Friday, August 10, 2012

Real Marriage

Marriage is hard. So incredibly hard. And anyone who says any different is lying, I promise.

And its amazing to me that we build our lives around one relationship and its supposed strength. Strength that actually takes years to build. We buy houses, have children, adopt pets, and get involved in churches and activities. The basis of all these activities being your marriage. One relationship of two fragile people with histories and baggage and insecurities and opinions. How could it not be hard? And why does it catch us so off guard when we all know hundreds of married people who could have warned us?

Maybe in an effort to look good to everyone on the outside, we neglect to be honest with ourselves and each other. It is just so easy to pretend that things are great and easy when they are really difficult and unexpected and ugly on the inside. Ignorance is bliss, right?

But we can't afford to be ashamed of the hardness of marriage. Because in being ashamed, we deny ourselves help. We deny ourselves the encouragement and support of friends, and we deny others the opportunity to learn from us and our mistakes. Mistakes that they might not have to make, which might in turn save their marriage. All because we are ashamed and prideful, and we want so badly to look put-together and polished.

And for some reason, being vulnerable has become unacceptable in some circles, and that's not okay. Because sometimes you need other people to believe and have faith and be strong for you, when you don't have the strength to be those things for yourself. We have to help each other. Whether that be laying down in the trenches or climbing the mountains together – we have to believe for each other, have hope for each other, and fight for each other. Even when things are ugly and desolate and hopeless. Because that's when we need each other the most.

Because we all lose heart at some point.

And that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you normal. The fury of hell has been released upon marriages because they are so beautiful and precious to God. And because they are an exact representation of Him and the Church. The war against us is real and intense. And we shouldn't ignore it, but instead be looking for opportunities to support each other through it.

So I want you to know that I want to be all-in for you

For your marriage. 

And your family.

And your friendship. 

And your happiness. 

24/7, forever and always. 

Please let me. Come be a part of my story and let me be a part of yours. Because marriage is hard, and we all want someone to go through it with. 


Laura Rowe [twirl] said...

love this!

lucy said...

love this. love everything about it! especially this part: "sometimes you need other people to believe and have faith and be strong for you, when you don't have the strength to be those things for yourself." because it resonates so perfectly with me and with Luke 5:18-20. Marriage is hard. Marriage is beautiful. The irony that the deep intimacy it creates also allows for the deepest hurt, is not lost on anyone who's been married for more than a year (maybe less). This year abroad has been so hard in so many ways. It has also been unbearably beautiful. It has been some of the toughest in our marriage, and yet some of the sweetest. I have learned so much - and that is always a good thing ;) I can't wait to hear more from you. You share such beautiful truths. Thanks. xoxo

Daniel Lau said...

Love the honesty. Glad to be in yours and Patrick's life because I'm glad you two are in mine.

Renie said...

Well said Mary. Dean and I have been married for 38 years this month and there have definitely been some grueling times. But oh the joy of sharing your life with someone as you get past those places and develop a deep, rich history together. We were just talking about that this morning in fact. As I was going through something hard, I barely had to even explain ... because he gets my heart. I was telling him how grateful I was to have someone to go through this life with, who is so one with me, so on the same page with the important things in our lives, so connected. What a gift from God marriage is!

Mary said...

Thank you all so much for the encouragement! I truly appreciate it, and want more than anything for all to feel 'okay' regardless of how hard stuff can get. You all are my inspiration, and I love you dearly. said...

I love this post Mary! Everything you said is so true and I'm just learning :) I know you have so much to share with others and I am thankful for your honesty because so many people want to act like it's all flowers and chocolate. But I mean who doesn't love chocolate right?! Love you!