If you want to know the answer
to the bigger question– what’s God’s plan for the whole world?
Buckle up: it’s us.
To me, this trip felt different than any other. And to be honest it has been the first time in a year and a half where I actually felt like I had something to give. Counseling has made me feel like even the good and beautiful things about me have been stripped down to the bone. But somewhere along the way, the walls started getting rebuilt, and layers of skin and muscle started forming. And it was this trip to Kenya that showed me who I have grown up to be.
I don't feel like I grew up watching healthy, authentic female relationships. I've always longed for examples of those things, because I want to know how to be strong and courageous, yet intimate and kind. And not knowing what that looked like for me has made me feel somewhat aimless. But as the Lord stripped down, and began the process of restoring the ruins of my heart, I would catch glimpses of the 'grown-up' me. The one that isn't afraid to cry, or ask for prayer, or share what is really going on in my heart. I've always feared the judgement over those things, but at the end of the day, I think those are the things that make me stand out.
The group of women I was with in Kenya helped me see that I already am. I might feel in progress, but I'm not any longer. I know exactly who I am, and I am free to be that. Not who someone else is, but who I am. I've watched for years and years, not realizing that God was stitching and breathing into my lungs and whispering to my heart that I already am. I am complete. And I am fully and abundantly loved, and I am free to give and to love well, and to be strength for someone else.
And that is what I got to do in Kenya. Be strength for other women, empower them, and speak life into the dust.
And I am so grateful for this great well of experience.