One of my favorite blogs is Stuff Christians Like. Its hilarious and fun, yet not entirely superficial.
This upcoming week, the author of Stuff Christians Like has the opportunity to speak to a few hundred college students on sex. In one of his more recent posts, he asks his readers what they would tell this group of college students. What are the misconceptions of sex? What are the mistakes you wish you didn't make in college? What do you want college students to know?
I went through all the comments over a few hours, picking them apart, gleaning what I could from other adults' thoughts. I was inspired, heart-broken, encouraged, and taught through these comments. I realize this is a hot topic, but its one that is hardly addressed in the Church with any gumption. So I figured I'd give you some snippets from some of my favorite lines, and I hope these will be thought-provoking and encouraging to you.
I would say that sex isn’t the problem (and we often treat it like it is) but rather the heart behind why we are seeking sex outside of marriage. Is it to affirm your identity? To make you feel powerful? To make you feel valued? … etc. When I got married I was sadly shocked that suddenly being able to have sex with each other didn’t make our life perfect. Turns out the heart sins that were tempting us to lust exhibited themselves in different ways and we had some big messes to deal with. So rather than obsessing over avoiding sex take some time to take your heart to God and figure out what is really going on. Deal with the heart issues first so that if you find yourself married and able to have awkward honeymoon sex while dolphins do somersaults you are more able to enjoy it instead of being launched into a new face of the same old battle. - Brandi
My 18yo niece asked me if sex is worth the wait. I told her that is is definitely worth the wait. Sex is great and fun, but to remember that there is more to it than just the act itself. It is messy and can be awkward and uncomfortable. Even the best looking person looks less-than-sexy retreating to the bathroom afterwards. You still have to be able to face each other. This is why God designed this intimacy to be a part of marriage, so that the two of you can be vulnerable together. That kind of openness is a part of the intimacy of marriage and is best coated in love. - Dana
I will concur with the importance of talking about the emotional aspects of “fooling around”. Everyone knows the physical consequences, not many people talk about the emotional aspects. I am a virgin, my fiance has a big sexual history before he gave his life to God six years ago. I struggle every single day with thoughts of him and x,y and z girls he shared intimate moments with. It not only affected him and brought on guilt and shame on his part, but it also affects our relationship because of the insecurities and hurt from my side and we haven’t even had sex yet! I know that now he is as clean as snow thanks to God’s mercy, but the consequences of his actions still affect both of us to this day. - Merari
Oh, and forget everything you’ve ever seen on TV and in movies. Sex, while it can be fabulous, is never flowy with a great sound track. And they skip all the time-consuming/unsexy parts. And those parts happen EVERY TIME. - PL
I think it is important to talk about how the consequences of sin (impurity before marriage) leaves wounds that may not be felt until you are married. We didn’t get to 20 years of marriage without having to work through issues because of the sexual immorality my husband partook in before we met (pornography, a lot of sexual experiences). - Becky
Just picture having a conversation with your daughter someday and being able to look her straight in the eye and tell her that it is worth waiting for. I have two beautiful daughters and can tell them how wonderful it was learning to love their father in that way. Well, that will probably make them gag, but you know what I mean. I don’t have to tell them do as I say and not as i do. I get to tell them that sex is beautiful and sacred and completely ties you to the person you share it with. I have been married 9 years and have seen many marriages fall due to infidelity. I cannot imagine having sex with anyone besides my husband, and that is because I never have. I have no past experience to compare him to. I say enjoy the tension, find joy in the journey, and ENJOY the heck out of your honeymoon and the next 50 years. - Rachel
I think each of these comments have something valuable to say. One thing that is mentioned in a lot of the comments (none that I listed though), is that the Church is too silent on this issue. Sex is amazing, and beautiful and powerful. And we shouldn't deny the grandness of it. But the Church should be the loudest voice of all because those in the Church should be the ones experiencing the best sex there is. I could talk about all of these issues forever, but a public blog is probably not the best place. :) Maybe one day I'll get the guts to post a little bit more, but not today.