Because if you are, I might talk about you behind your back. And by might, I mean I do talk about you behind your back.
But let's be honest, you bring it on yourself. So what would make you that couple you might ask? Well, since you asked, and you should have asked, or paid attention to when people get uncomfortable around you...I'll tell you.
Dear sweet, love-obsessed couple,
First things first, your PDA is out of control. Holding hands, a quick kiss on the cheek- great. No big deal. In fact, I'd worry if you weren't a little bit affectionate with your significant other. But rubbing each other's feet, sitting on each other's laps, or making out in public? No thanks. And while its just me and the both of you, I'm looking around and picking at my nails waiting for you to detach from each other so that we can have a decent conversation. Do I talk? Do I remind you that I'm there? Do I sneak away? Do I act like I don't notice? Because we're not getting anywhere with you sucking face. I'd like to leave, please realize that you're making me uncomfortable. So stop it.
And the pet names have got to stop. I know that your mate is the center of your world right now, but remember, there are still 6 billion other people to consider. No one wants to know that you call each other "Pookie" or "Superman"- that information is a little too personal for me to know and should be kept behind closed doors. If only because the general public throws up a little in their mouths when they hear you calling each other such sweet and endearing names.
I realize that you're in love and have a hard time being apart, but face it: there will be days and times where you'll need to be apart, and that is a GOOD THING. No one likes to hang out with someone for 1 hour and 43 minutes because that is all the time they have before their wife or husband gets home, and heaven forbid you lose a minute together. Friends want to feel valued if they're in your life, so make sure you come up for air and go out for pizza and drinks once in awhile. You'll thank me later.
So sweet, wonderful, full of romance couple- it's time to take a time-out. For my sake, and the sake of everyone else in your life. You're still great people with good hearts, and I still love you. But in the future, please be considerate of others.
Your friend that sees a bright future for our friendship