Your Kingdom Come...NOW.

One of the songs that I've been playing on repeat since I've been home from the Middle East is the song "Your Kingdom Come" by Michael Larson. This song only has two lines that repeat for 4 minutes... "Your Kingdom come Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

At first glance those words are simple.

The words "Your Kingdom come" are spoken in almost every church in America, and so few of us really understand what they mean. And even though some declare it while praying the Lord's Prayer, they don't actually want to see that happen.  It just sounds catchy and is part of a prayer that everyone seems to have memorized at some point while growing up, but for some reason it hasn't reached our core yet. It hasn't gone past the words and into our hearts and then overflowed into our lifestyle.

When I heard this song first in the Middle East, it practically took my breath away. I was in a living room with 40 other believers from every nation you can imagine: Congo, South Africa, Canada, India, England, Syria, etc. And these believers didn't just know this song with their minds. It had already sunk deep into their souls and I could tell by listening that it was their greatest heart cry. That the Kingdom would manifest itself in a tangible way in ****.  They lived a lifestyle there of revival. They saw miracles DAILY. They weren't intimidated by the Muslim nature of the country because they knew the love of God could touch anyone.

Listening to them sing this song and make declarations over their country and what they wanted to see happen in the people there...I started to see how real this body of believers was. How hungry they were. How they yearned for only the Kingdom and God's love, nothing else. I've never seen such hunger before. I had watched them live out this lifestyle of revival day after day, but it was this song that really displayed the insatiable thirst they had for the Living God. They knew that the Kingdom of God was at hand. They knew that God wanted to show His love to His people, and so my friends declared with relentless passion that the Kingdom of God would be tangibly displayed in the Middle East. That God would make Himself known in the hearts of His people. That He'd show up in dreams and visions and through words of knowledge and prophecy. That they would know who to talk to and when, in order to intersect the work God had already begun in someone's life.

These believers were unstoppable. And they weren't letting up.

So this song, and what this song stirred up in me and in those around me- has changed my life. After encountering God through this lens, I will never and can never be the same. God is just too good. So open the floodgates of heaven and let it rain.

Where am I?

So right now, I feel lost. I came back from the Middle East having had some incredible experiences. The problem is, what do I do with those experiences? I'm still me, but some things have shifted.

The deep worship, the challenging outreaches, the cool testimonies, the vibrant culture, the dreams that were stirred up...

A lot happened while I was over there and I'm trying to piece together and make sense of why certain things happened and why specific dreams were stirred. I don't exactly have a 'piece together' plan so I'm hoping things connect themselves on their own.

Once I have anything figured out, I'll let you know.

Bad Theology

There are tons of Christian songs today that are sung and re-sung, used in weddings and church services, blared loudly on the radio or worshiped to at youth camps. There have been thousands of songs written about God and His love that we could play a different one every few minutes and be able to fill up years of time.

The problem with Christian music is that sometimes it is just bad theology. Sometimes it speaks death and not life. Sometimes the Scriptures used are taken out of context to fit an artist's feeling or state of mind. Sometimes Christian music can do more harm than good, but since its all under the name of "God" then it must be good, right?

One of my favorite exercises we did in school of ministry was listening to music and discerning things about the music as it played. The point was to ignore the words, but to pray into and see what the Spirit was revealing through some of the songs. What feelings did the melodies invoke? Were you left with a positive feeling or a negative feeling? As the songs played, we were told to write down the things we felt about the songs.

I was excited because the first song was by a well known Christian artist. It was a song I had grown up singing and knew all the words to. The piano started, then the drums, then came the electric guitar...building into a forceful crescendo and gracefully easing off as the lyrics settled in around me. The music continued to play as I focused on what my heart felt. I was expecting to feel intimacy with the Father, joy, love, exhilaration. But instead I started to feel sad. I started to feel guilty about random things throughout my life. Painful memories were brought up that I never wanted to think about again. Before I realized it, I had scribbled down words and phrases like "distance, lack of intimacy, guilt, shame, frustration." Although the lyrics of the song are good, the song itself opened up so many doors for me that weren't good. By the end of the song, I couldn't understand why the song was so popular. But like I said, the point of the exercise was to learn to discern music- the way it was created, the heart that birthed it, the people who collaborated to make it beautiful and marketable, the idea behind it. Essentially, see beyond the music and see the heart. Whats healthy for someone else might not be healthy for you.

The second song was one I didn't know. It sounded like dueling banjos with some Nickelcreek harmonies mixed in. This song made my spirit come alive. I got excited. I felt like I was in a whirlwind romance spinning around and around. I felt feelings of euphoria. I could feel the harmonies. The song made me want to put my arm around someone, pick flowers, or lay in the sun.

How ironic is it that two totally different songs can make you feel completely different? I tell this story to explain that what looks good on the outside, might not actually be all good. And what looks rough on the outside, might actually be something that comes from the very heart of God.

One song that has become popular is the song "Blessed Be Your Name." This song never sat well with me, and for a long time I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that the line that says "You give and take away" shouldn't be in the song. That line is very much Scriptural, but it is Job's words to God...for which he was later rebuked for. God did not endorse those words. Scripture is very clear that "His gifts and His call are irrevocable." Romans 11:29  God does not steal or take away from His children what He has already given them. We like to say that satan has to come and ask God to take things away, but satan is no longer allowed in God's presence. Whatever authority the enemy has in your life, he has it because you have given it to him.

So in conclusion- after my rampant ramblings...not all music speaks life or identity. So its important to know what we're filling our mind and our hearts with throughout the day. Thats why I love Rick Pino and Jake Hamilton- both are guys that write songs in such a way that when you sing them to yourself later on, you are declaring who you are. "I am royalty. I have destiny. I have been set free. I'm going to change history." You speak life. And life's important.

Birthdays!

Yesterday Patrick and I celebrated our 25th birthdays. We are 6 days apart so each year we try to have a huge party. I always get anxious before parties because I want LOTS of people to come and I want people to have a good time. But I'm always nervous that no one will care and no one will come.

I've never really enjoyed my birthday before, but this year was so different. I don't know if I cared less or my friends cared more, but I had the BEST birthday I've ever had. The gifts I got were perfect and amazing, and I felt like the people that gave them knew me so well. We had 40-50 people over to our apartment, went through 24+ cokes, two bottles of margarita mix and tequila, 30+ beers, a big pitcher of sangria, 3 kinds of salsa, strawberry shortcake, chex, boxes or oreos, pretzels, brownies, fondue, cookies, fruit snacks, pizza, and vegetables. It was glorious.

I had friends come that originally said they couldn't make it, so those were great surprises. My old roommate Melanie came into town from Dallas, and all my other roommates came down from Athens. The festivities started at 7 and the last people didn't leave til 2am. And if you know me, my favorite part of a party is when the crowd starts to die down and the last of the guests are sitting on the couch hashing out the nights' events and catching up on life. Thats when I feel most connected to friends...because usually the ones that stay are the ones that really care and want to see things through to the very end.  Those that have stayed are in no rush to go anywhere and are always willing to finish off whatever alcohols still left in the fridge. The best conversations happen at the end of the night.

So thank you sweet friends for making our birthday so fun and memorable! There are 4 people in this photo who were not in attendance- Lauren and Jacquelyn are in California, Evie is in China, and Sarah is in Peru.

Focused Obsession

Although lame, I feel the need to admit that I'm completely obsessed with Twilight. Yes the teeny-bopper vampire romance with Edward Cullen has captured my heart. I read the first two books while in the Middle East, then promptly read the third when I got home. I'm holding off on the fourth book because I think Patrick wants his wife back.

Let's discuss why I am enamored by these stories.

First of all - Stephenie Meyer is a fabulous writer. She gives just enough description, but not so much that you feel the need to skip pages. She finds ways to touch on every emotion I've ever felt, and continually engages me on so many levels. I love the character descriptions, suspense, emotional relate-ability, and plot twists.

Secondly - Bella Swan. I love how real she is. And Kristen Stewart was cast perfectly for the role. Kristen is honest, quirky, a little awkward, sensitive and sincere. I feel like I had permission to be more of myself after I read these stories.

Thirdly - Edward Cullen. Stephenie has a unique ability to make Edward seem so real. Every girl remembers the feelings she had with the first guy she loved, and the words that Edward says are always so perfect and captivating. With your first love, you just want to sit and listen to any word that comes out of their mouth. The words probably weren't perfect or healthy, but at the time you feel the weight of each and every one.  And they continue to linger in your mind and weigh down your heart with sentiment and exhilaration for months to come.

With that said...I LOVE TWILIGHT. And will probably read the saga every six months.

Unraveling In a Humorous Way

Honestly, I believe it'll take months before I tell all the stories and happenings from the Middle East. So I'm just going to have to start somewhere to help myself process a little bit.

Interesting facts about places we went and things we saw/did:

- The first four days we were there, we were in a sand storm. Its like a rain storm in that you can't see the sun, and when its really bad you can't see the cars in front of you. People use their headlights (although still  driving like maniacs) and sometimes you can see headlights but not cars.

- In the first country we visited, it didn't get below 96 degrees. It was 98 degrees F when we landed at 11:30 PM and the temperatures continued to climb throughout our time there. Yikes.

- Many Arab places don't use toilet paper...they have a water sprayer to wash yourself with after you go to the bathroom. My thought is: you just made yourself wetter...so how do you dry off? But I've heard its very refreshing to use the sprayer and the women would rather be wet than dry.

- The first country we were in was a closed country, completely Muslim, no alcohol to be found anywhere (all cocktails are virgin, no bars), and prayer calls happened at all hours of the day and night (which you know all too well if you sleep in a house across from a mosque). But the country is actually made up of 50% foreigners. It wasn't til day 5 that we met a native.

- A popular food choice over there is raw meat. Lamb and beef in particular. If you eat raw meat, it has to be prepared a certain way and the animal had to have been killed within the day of it getting to your plate. Salmonella anyone?


- The first restaurant we went to in country #2 had food options such as: beef tongue, brain, testicles, pancreas, fried fat, eyes, etc. The people that took us there thought it was awesome and wanted to us to try everything (because the team that came before us wanted to do this, so naturally they figured we'd want to also)...however we were not that team. :) Really terrifying way to start a trip...

- In conclusion- I'll leave you with a picture of me and our group's hookah/shisha/narghileh. This is one of my love languages...in strawberry and mint.

Home from the Middle East

I don't really know what to say. My trip to the Middle East changed my life. I am just going to include some thoughts from my most recent journal entry, and let that speak for itself.

Since the trip I feel totally different. I see God differently. I worship differently. I do my job differently. But I'm at a place now where in some places I feel unnaturally secure, and in others I feel completely out of place. There is only one worship song I want to listen to and it only has one line "Your Kingdom come Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." It takes everything in me to not weep uncontrollably when I hear it. This was a song that we sang in ****** that revealed the depths of the hunger that the people had there. Hunger for ******. Hunger for Muslims. Hunger for the things of God. And their hunger was ravenous. Their worship was mesmerizing. I feel like they are at a place that I yearn to go. Their worship is uninhibited. They cry, they shout, they dance, they jump. They want to see the Kingdom manifested on this earth more than I've ever thought possible. How they function day to day is a great mystery to me. Just thinking about them sucks me into a place with God that I don't want to leave. I can't leave. I MUST HAVE MORE. I can't let Him go! It's too risky to look away. To consider something other than the Presence. 

When I think of ****** its hard to hold myself together. I think about their worship and devotion. I think about their faces and their prayers. I've never seen hunger like that before. Does it even exist in the States? I need to find it. I need it like oxygen.

The Middle East

In less than 9 hours, I will be en route to the Middle East!! I cannot begin to explain how excited I am. I will be going to two different countries that are more unique than any place I've ever visited. Different weather, different food, different religions and clothing. Different living conditions. Completely different walks of life. I've been talking to some of the folks over there pretty regularly and they are a group of radical lovers of God. They walk in signs and wonders and long to see the Middle East know God's love. They are a really incredible group and I can't wait to get over there and get under them!

As I've been saying good-byes to different people, I've been noticing that lots of people are really nervous about this trip. At the beginning of this process I too was a little bit nervous, but pretty early on I had to decide to just embrace this trip and this experience with open arms. I can't hold back because of fear or nerves. I need to be all there. Yeah its not known as being the safest part of the world, but at the end of the day, I'm still going. And I'm really excited. And amazing things are going to happen and people are going to be blessed.

So I have to focus on the things God is doing and is going to do. And the fact that we as a team have had such incredible confirmation for this trip is all the more affirming that we're meant to be there. That we have God's blessing and that He has gone before us and is coming behind us. So I'm really excited and can't wait to just be there! Because they are so far ahead of us time-wise, we'll leave this afternoon and not get there til 11:15pm tomorrow night!

Can't wait to post pictures and blogs when I return! Thank you sweet friends for all of your support and prayers!

The date that will go down in history...

Yes this is long...but TOTALLY worth the read! Three of us tag-teamed in making this perfect. 

So I have a good friend, we'll call her Tammy. Tammy has only really been in serious relationships in her life and has never had the bliss…no the joy, of experiencing the casual dating world until this past year. Since then she has some really incredible stories from her experiences, and in order to humor the blog world...I'd like to let you in on some of her best date material. To preface this, Tammy is a people pleaser and would hate for anyone to be uncomfortable when sharing deep stuff about themselves. She also believes that people are not defined by their past and thinks everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves….well at least she used too….

Tammy met this guy, we'll call him Bobby, while playing volleyball. They had some mutual friends but had never really talked themselves. One night they spent 10-15 minutes talking after a volleyball game, and Tammy left thinking Bobby was a nice guy but had no idea the hilarity that was about to ensue.

Bobby tells a mutual friend that Tammy is one of the those girls that probably would love Jesus more than him and that she had a really beautiful spirit...the most beautiful he's ever seen. She receives two text messages from their mutual friends letting her know that Bobby is interested in her…this is mere hours after their volleyball game. At this point she has received a harmless Facebook message from Bobby requesting coffee. She responds “sure” and goes to bed. By the next morning she has two more awkward messages AND an email from Bobby trying to set up coffee and get her number. They decide on Tuesday night. Already a little skeptical about Bobby…she dismisses it as he’s just a little awkward. In the several days leading up to the date, he starts sending her text messages about how beautiful and amazing she is.  It sounds cute, but it was more of the creepy stalker kind of text than fawning admirer. Meanwhile Tammy wonders where he's getting this information because she really hasn't shared anything personal with him, however, she’s too awkward to call him out on it. She figures he’s just pouring on the cheese ball charm because he’s nervous. Surely Tuesday he’ll mellow out. She figures no harm in giving him the benefit of the doubt right? So wrong.

Tuesday night finally rolls around, and it's time for their first official date. He shows up a few minutes early and tells her they're going to Verde for dinner. About a mile down the road, he interrupts his own conversation (the guy loved to talk about himself) and says: “No matter how great this date goes, at the end of the night I’m not kissing you. Nor will I for the first 30 days”

Tammy is of course confused by this….they haven’t even been in the car for 5 min let alone completed their first date. 30 days?! Let’s get past 30 minutes first please. Where is this coming from?

Tammy: “ Do I look like I want you to kiss me?”

Bobby:  “ No..I was just getting awkard”

Tammy (still super confused!) “Am I making you awkward?!”

Bobby: “No…I just wanted you to know where I stood on that. I know some girls expect sex on the first date. I had a friend who’s date requested he take her home once she found out there was no chance of sex at the end of the date. So I just wanted you to know. Do I need to take you home?!”

Tammy is shocked…slightly scared and totally confused. Bobby pretty much has assumed she’s a slut and asked to take her home!? Looking back Tammy realizes that was her window of opportunity from GOD to end this date before it even got started. Sadly hindsight is 20/20…instead Tammy responded, “ No I’m fine. Let’s just go eat dinner.” She brushes it off and decides boundaries must really important for him.

The night progresses, and he slowly starts to reveal little tidbits of information about himself. Nothing too personal, just the first-date particulars.  First on docket is the fact that he used to be a meth addict and also used to deal drugs. Really? Meth addict AND dealer? You share that on the first date? I know what you're thinking, "Meth addict? Prove it!" As if on queue, Bobby pulls out his phone and starts showing Tammy pictures of some of his brain scans. He points out the damage the meth did to his brain and continues to scroll through the scans, sharing with Tammy about his former addiction.

As the meth conversation dwindles, Bobby shares that he use to deal drugs to the gay community. Throughout the night Bobby also tended to make lots of comments about gay men they happen to see and other tid bits of homosexual trivia. Tammy is starting to wonder about the fixation with the homosexual community. Just when she thinks the conversation can turn from heavy “I use to do meth” to a more light hearted conversation about college, friends, family or anything, Bobby pulls out another awkward 1^st date shocker and says: “Not many know this about me, but last year I worked at a gay bar.”

Now I know what your thinking…wait…didn’t this guy used to be addicted to meth…and deal to the gay community….and after his conversion and rehab he CHOSE to work in a gay bar?! Tammy’s thoughts exactly. Bobby wanted to minister to the gays…because who better than a recovering meth addict. He worked there for 6 months until the drug influence became too great for him to withstand (shocker) and after an awkward kiss with a co-worker. What the drug influence was too much at a gay bar!? Who would’ve known! And who doesn’t like to hear how your date has in fact kissed a man before….awesome.

But enough about me, let's talk about me.  Now Bobby decides to get serious. If this date is going to ever have a chance in Bobby's mind, this girl has to know his true passion: ministering to strippers. The recovering meth addict who now passionately loves Jesus explains how the strippers are neglected and that he is willing to go into the dark places and minister to those that have been forgotten. At this point Tammy just can’t do anymore of these “shock and awe” stories. What is she suppose to do, give him spiritual points for going into the gay bars and also feeling called to rescue the strippers?! Some people are called to Africa….and some are called to save the gays and strippers. She’s feeling a little saucy and pipes up: "I don’t think that’s a man’s job.” Tammy asks. "Shouldn't a former meth-smoking, brain-scan wielding, bartender leave the vice ministry to someone without quite the track record?" He seems somewhat offended by that notion but continues on.

He starts off kind of quiet, then murmurs that one of his best friends died a few weeks ago. Drug overdose. They were really close. Finally getting somewhere normal...tragic, but more normal than brain scans and taking body shots of gay strippers.

The date winds down, and Bobby asks Tammy for a second date. Although hesitant and slightly terrified, Tammy is slow to come up with a good excuse on the spot and agrees to date #2. She now knows that “Umm you’re too much and just straight up crazy” is a perfectly acceptable reason to decline date 2. Poor Tammy...nice girls finish last. She had to learn the hard way…

Thursday begins date #2 at Cafe Istanbul. Tammy wonders if there is any other dirt this guy could possibly drag up about himself and convinces herself that the worst is over. Time to be normal and have a chance to share a little bit about her heart and passions. But boy did she jump to conclusions too quickly! First topic of conversation -- Sexual partners. Naturally. Bobby seems embarrassed to tell her about his past but not so ashamed that he won't let her guess the number of partners he's had. 5? No. 10? No. 20? No? Higher? Really? You're not even 30. 50? No. At 100 Tammy stopped guessing. How is that even possible?? To which Bobby replys “well there’s 365 days in a year when you think about it”. At this point Tammy takes a long drink of wine..and continues until the glass is empty.  Tammy awkwardly blushes then decides to make light of the situation and sarcastically ask him "Since you've done everything else, have you been to jail?" His response: "Yes, but that’s too much information for a second date." Really!? Why is that worse that doing meth, showing off your brain scans, working in a gay bar, ministering to strippers and having 100+ sexual partners?.

Towards the end of the night, Bobby tells Tammy that they should probably take things a little slower. Although confused because she never said a word, Tammy thankfully agrees. Date ends, Tammy is relieved. She thought it would drag on forever.

Saturday rolls around, and Tammy gets a call from Bobby. Hoping he's come to his senses, she's prepared for a decent conversation. Hey it couldn't get worse, right? Wrong. Bobby explains that he thinks things just aren't working out and they should break up. She's not the girl he's looking for and doesn't seem to have the passionate love for Jesus he had hoped for. Seriously? She hasn't said a word to you! All you did was talk about yourself. However, this made life easy for Tammy. She was already thinking about how you tell someone gently that your “meth dealing, brain damaged, 100 + partners, ministering to the strippers, been to jail” past just isn’t your cup of tea. It’s awkward no matter how you slice it. This saved Tammy a “come to jesus” moment with Bobby…however, she was still impressed with the break up conversation despite the fact they weren’t dating.

One week later Bobby started dating another girl.

We pray for her. A lot.

Beautiful Scarf Giveaway!!!

Remember those beautiful scarves I posted awhile back from Kristin Haner's etsy site Foulard Threads? Well there is an incredible site that is doing a giveaway for one of those scarves! Check out 5 Seed to see how to enter this wonderful contest!