This is one of those posts where I wish we were sitting across from each other at a coffee shop, or maybe on one of our couches. In fact, a bar might even be the better choice, as the loud noise would ensure that you wouldn't catch all that I'm saying. Thus reigning in your judgement a hair more than if you could hear me loud and clear. That might make this feel a little less dramatic, and maybe a little bit more endearing. Okay, well, that might be a stretch.
The good news is that I'm hangin' in there. And by 'hangin' in there' I mean I am compulsively online shopping, switching out yoga for pj pants, and then going back to yoga pants. I have bought more doughnuts and Nutella in the last few weeks than in all of the years of my life combined. Patrick has had several long out-of-town work trips, which has left me to be the sole support for our dog and cat. Read: feeding and pottying in the early mornings and late nights, and offering general emotional stability for them while one of our pack is gone. Sidenote: pregnancy is not a time to be counted on to be emotionally supportive, not even for your pets. Hoping I pull it together in this area for the sake of child #2.
Yesterday I went to TJ Maxx, and found myself scowling at those who walked by. Normally I'd smile, say hello, and maybe even an 'Excuse me.' But I'm too
cranky tired, and the other shoppers were moving so slowly that my 'quick' errand was turning into an endless excursion of weaving around retired women and waiting for them to make room for me on the aisle. So much so that I had to sit down on a couch halfway through my trip to rest. Mind you, I was only looking for a lamp.
In other news, I attempted to paint my toenails last week, which was a mild success. But now the polish is chipping and I can't reach my toes to touch it up. Sorry, mom. (This is a cardinal sin in my family).
Earlier this week I thought it'd be a good idea to do some arm weights. But then I got out of breath cutting up a cucumber, so there went that idea. Points for good intentions?
But in all fairness, I have had some incredible support around me for the last 8 months (yes, I'm in the EIGHTH month). My mother-in-law has gone above and beyond and handled a few returns, washed baby clothes and blankets, and helped me organize them in the nursery. Patrick has graciously helped clean the house, or given me time to sit down mid-walk, or sent me to take a nap while we're in the middle of a project. My co-workers are dreamy, and are consistently checking in on me, encouraging me, and cheering me on towards the finish line. I'm in a group text with two friends and they've helped keep me sane and outwardly positive in the last few weeks. (Inward positivity at this point is a lot to ask).
And I am also getting more excited as the day to meet this precious little one draws closer. I don't know that I've felt truly excited until this week. Maybe because we had a shower and I could start putting her room together. Hanging pictures on the wall, organizing books, folding her clothes, etc. Those little projects have helped me move from 'scared shitless' into genuinely thrilled and anxious to meet her. To see her face, hold her hands, tell her how much we love her and talk about her. Tell her about all the friends that have prayed for her for so long, and that to us she is such a sweet miracle. To show her the place we created for her in our home, to introduce her to Bailey and Lucy and tell her how well they'll help take care of her.
All these little things have starting compounding in my heart over the last few days, and although I am getting more physically uncomfortable by the minute, I already feel like my heart is starting to 'get it.' And in some ways, there is something beautiful in the fact that women do the growing, laboring, delivery, nursing, etc. I can't forget about her, she's strapped to my stomach. She's with me everywhere and is already such a big part of me. Physically and emotionally and spiritually. Despite my griping, I've been entrusted with this grand task of bringing this child into the world. And that's big. And I'm so blessed to co-labor with heaven on this one.
So thanks for listening to my complaining and negativity, if you even made it this far. If you did, plus one Thin Mint. I promise to make subsequent posts more positive and engaging. And show you pictures of the nursery, and some of my favorite gifts that have been given to us and Baby West. You guys are awesome, and have made this whole process hilarious and honest, yet joyful and grand. And I love you dearly for that.