Today

Today I'm reading Harry Potter.

I'm drinking Dunkin' Donuts Dark Roast coffee with a splash of Peppermint White Mocha creamer.

I had a pumpkin scone for breakfast.

I'm listening to Andrea Boccelli and Michael Buble's Christmas albums and am growing fond of "Ave Maria."

I'm pet-sitting Libby Gray's 5 pound dog, and she has deemed herself ALPHA over Lucy the 57 pound dog.

I'm crossing my fingers that we get our Christmas tree this afternoon and have it decorated by dinnertime. :)

I'm debating a work-out and shopping spree - I'll let you decide which is my need and which is my want.


The house is already cleaned so luckily I have no reason to not to anything that I really want to today. I need today to get refreshed.

I woke up wishing I could here Meredith Thomas sing "My heart will sing no other name, Jesus."

I wish I lived minutes from friends and that there was snow on the ground, so that we could enjoy sledding, snowmen, and warm drinks by the fire.

Today I'm letting this phrase resonate within me and letting it propel me forward rather than backward:

The Pinterest Inspired House

Pinterest has taught me how to lust in a whole new way. I wake up dreaming of the things I've pinned and wondering how in the world I can make my boards come to life.

In my dream world, my walls would be a palette of greys, whites, and vibrant blues. All my furniture would be hand-made to look slightly antiqued and used. My dining table would be adorned with burlap, lots of continually lit candles, wood, and freshly cut flowers. I'd have a white-washed wood headboard on my queen-sized all white bed. My rug would be a neutral with French words written across it in charcoal grey. My couches would be soft whites with brightly colored pillows, art, and blankets. I would have book shelves made of antique apple crates, and hanging chandeliers from Morocco. 

In my perfect world, this is what my house would look like:

Zero

So I'm sorry I haven't written lately. And what I have written hasn't been the least bit interesting. I don't even want to re-read anything because I know its not good. And I'm sorry.

I'm in a rut. A rut in so many ways. I have a new job that requires over an hour commute each way. That is before and after 9 hours of working. I don't know that my heart is able to sustain such long days with no time to cook, work out, read, blog, hang out with friends, or even just sit on the couch. My down time is basically non-existent. Being 100% extroverted, I need stimulation. I need friends. I need close relationships. I need to feel like I'm important and making a difference. But right now I'm just too tired to try. I'm too tired to work out, to cook, to clean, to read, and to hang out with friends.

And I'm feeling suffocated. Like I'm drowning in a sea of people that don't notice or care.

There isn't time for me right now. For my dreams. For my sanity and health. Which I know means everyone around me suffers.

I miss being me. I miss being positive. And truly enjoying and valuing everything that I did. Right now I feel like I'm on a team of one. But I came to the battlefield with no weapons, no armor, and no fellow fighters.

I'm the planner and the orchestrator and the networker. And when I don't plan, no one else picks up the pieces. So right now, all the pieces are on the ground. The weapons are in the shed. And my heart feels like its been buried under 1,000 pounds of brick.

But I hope I can dig it out. Brush it off and and pat it on the back.

But I can't do it tonight. I'm just too tired. 

Rosh Hashanah 2011

So today is Rosh Hashanah, one of the highest holy days on the Jewish calendar. I've honestly never paid much attention to it, but as I've read some prophecies and Scriptures I am starting to see what a significant time it is. I wanted to include a couple of notes from things I've read that I believe are important for this season. (Rosh Hashanah, or the Feast of Trumpets is today, and the next ten days are called the Ten Days of Awe, and end in Yom Kippur and the Day of Atonement).

This is a time of transition and realignment is occurring. September, coming into the Jewish New Year, is often a time of transition and change. When the Lord brings change there comes a realignment of things, and a cutting away occurs. This brings realignment of the body of Christ so that we are in the right place at the right time for the purposes of the Kingdom. If you know what my last month has looked like, I see this so evidently. I've had things cut away, and a realignment has been happening, and will solidify on Monday, October 3. New season of ministry. New way of outreach. New set of relationships. And the way I understand and execute the purposes of the Kingdom will have to shift.


There is a call going out for both holiness and power. And for spiritual maturity. 


God is bringing the church into a place of true sonship. As these changes have been happening in the natural in my life, I've started to see an increased value for fathers. In a way I've never experienced before, I've just wanted to be a child and to be around good fathers.


The position we take before God will determine the direction of the rest of the year. What we sow now will release a harvest for the coming year. 


During this season, God is releasing fresh commissioning directives. There are new battle plans and strategies from heaven that He is releasing for those who will take the time to rest in Him, seek His face, shake off past discouragement and sin, gather with God's people, release your love and offerings to Him, and expect God to visit in an unprecedented way this season. 


September and October are "seasonal portals" - where we can experience exceptional times of open heavens and intimate times with God. So why not seek out these intimate times? Take advantage of these holy days that have breakthrough associated with them?

I just wanted to shed a little bit of insight into Rosh Hashanah 2011. Pray about what this shift in seasons means for you. What you need to let go of or walk into. Expect breakthrough. Expect intimacy and strategies from heaven. What do you need to be sowing? What is realigning? It is time we become like the Sons of Issachar who understood the times and the seasons. There is so much more awaiting us.

Donald Miller Would be Disappointed

I'm trying to figure myself out these days. In a post that will come much later, I'll explain the ups and downs of that, and what my insides truly look like when I feel like my hearts been put through a meat grinder on high and then roasted in a Big Green Egg for 6 8 hours. But that post is not this post. Sorry.

This post is me asking myself some hard questions. Am I really doing all that I want to do? Am I viewing life as a grand adventure and choosing to live the story of each day? Am I investing well in my relationships? Who do I need to invest in more, and who needs to invest in me? By buying a house did I anchor myself down so much so that I can't still pursue things I want to pursue? Or is my house a catalyst for relationship development and change?

Sheesh. Someone must have turned on the "adult" switch in my brain this morning. 

But seriously. I have some dear friends (who yes I am VERY jealous of and am actively ignoring the 10th commandment) who just moved to Cambridge, MA to get their MBA. And I look at pictures of these beautiful people on this grand life adventure together and wonder what dream am I living? And yes, buying a house is a great dream realized. Having a husband, a 2 pet flock of animals, a yard, a neighborhood, and a great Church community are also wonderful pieces of my dreams as well. But this is more of a "stay put" season, rather than a "go get 'em" season. And sometimes I want the best of both of those worlds. How do I see the world, touch nations, and let the vastness of the world sink into my skin when I have a dog that needs to be taken out to the bathroom and a yard that needs mowing?

At some point I need to dig into the value and meaning of this season. When the Israelites crossed into the Promised Land, the battles were fought differently. The mentality had to be shifted from "captivity" to "freedom." So that is my goal in this next season. To find value. To develop relationships. GOOD authentic and accountable relationships. To see how to shift my mindset to embrace freedom and promise. And to use this season as a step forward. 


In conclusion, I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite people: Amy Poehler.

Christmas Gifts

So I know it's kind of early to start thinking Christmas, but I have a great gift idea for you this season. Especially if your heart is to give more than just a "gift." Krochet Kids is a group based in California that was recently featured on a Bing commercial. This group has found a way to use crocheting to support over 120 women in Uganda - and we get to reap the benefits of the beautiful things they make!

Here are some of my faves:

Check out this short video to learn a little bit more about who Krochet Kids is and how they got started. I promise you'll want to head over to their website pronto and load up your cart. Feel free to get an extra hat for me. 

So consider giving one of these beautiful hats to your friends this year and invest in more than just a great product. 

Continually Challenged

A few weeks ago, a dear friend challenged me with who I am at work. My job is one that I love, but I’ve always held myself back a little bit because I want to honor the culture that has taken years to cultivate. I knew in getting the job that there was a reason I was meant to be a part of this group. I enjoy the company, the work, the heart, etc. but I also know that I’m meant to bring something a little different to the table. What am I supposed to bring? And how do I intentionally do it?

There are a few things that I know that I carry and am meant to deposit everywhere that I go. First is helping people see their potential, and moving into a place where they are living out of who God created them to be. Most Christians don’t truly know who they are, or what God has destined for them to do. For some reason churches and people and books and the world have told us that we aren’t actually as powerful as God says that we are. That we aren’t as significant. That we don’t have as much to offer. But God says with Him all things are possible (Matt. 19:26), that He is giving us all authority and power to do the things that Jesus did (Luke 9:1-2), and that we will do even greater things than Jesus did (John 14:12). We are no longer sinners, but saints that have been set apart. And I want to help people see and grab ahold of their true potential.

The second part of that is hearing from God on behalf of others. Hearing what He loves about people, how their skills can be used, what strengths He’s given them, and what makes them different from everyone else. Everyone needs to know that the world needs who they are. They carry something no one else does, and not stepping into that is depriving the world of a wonderful gift.

Thirdly, (I’m still learning what this looks like) I carry an atmosphere of freedom. I want people to feel completely free to be themselves around me. I try not to get offended easily (still a work in progress), and give people permission to ask questions and grow in their own time. I don’t want people to have to perform around me in any way, because honestly true relationship can’t happen if someone always feels like they have to perform. Or look a certain way. Or be a certain way. I know there are certain people that make me feel insecure, so I want to be very conscious of the kinds of comments I make, especially if they relate to topics that could be sensitive for others. Hopefully some of my life’s events have prepared me for a variety of these opportunities and how to and how not to handle them.

These things are all part of who God created me to be. And everyone is beautifully and uniquely different, and I love that I get to interact with so many different kinds of people. Sharing life stories and experiences. Thoughts and questions. The valleys of “process” and the mountains. These are the things I thrive on. Doing relationship. So over the next few months my goal is to learn how these things "fit" at work. How do I add value to my office? To my colleagues and friends?

This is only the beginning, but a part of a very rewarding and hopefully fun process.

Curtain Project.

I went shopping this weekend and had ZERO luck finding curtains for our den. The art we have has such a mix of neutrals, burnt orange, lime, and bright turquoise. I ended up buying a few options but none of them felt quite right. So I grabbed these beauties out of a drawer upstairs (the ones I couldn't live without from West Elm, but had no home for), and threw them up on the rod. Not too shabby, huh? The darker shade is a mushroom-ish kind of color with a little bit of brown and a little bit of grey. The in-between color is a light but bright blue. So not the most matchy-matchy, but I think they look pretty good!

We also painted our formal living room (ugh. aren't formal living rooms outdated yet?) a light grey that is really pretty, but it doesn't get a ton of light so the living room almost looks darker than the dining room. But whatevs. I'll pretend that its my favorite paint job I've ever done to save myself from the shame of it looking clash-y.

And we hung three pictures above our bed to the tune of $7.50 a piece thanks to Michael's and their love for coupons. One is of San Francisco, one is of Grand Teton, and the other is of the sunset over Beirut. I'll post a picture of those later (when my bed is made). They are really beautiful.

Slowly but surely we're makin' progress! Now I'm ready to stop working and start new books and catch up on TV shows and cooking endeavors. And also find ways to re-claim the friendships I lost throughout this housing transition. If I owe you a call - I WILL CALL YOU. AND YOU WILL ANSWER. Jk. You don't have to answer, but I do love you and want to talk to you. Badly. So please answer. :)

Love love.

iPhone Bliss

So last week my Blackberry kicked the bucket. When my vowels and #2 key didn't work, it was hard to call AAA for help when my gear cable shifter snapped last weekend. Luckily someone let me borrow their phone, but what if I had been on the side of the road?

So Patrick finally said, "enough is enough."

After my car was dropped off at the shop, and Patrick had picked me up, we went straight to Verizon to get an iPhone 4. I had only been DREAMING of this day for 3 years, and it was finally happening. No more t-mobile. No more blackberry. No more gimp keys or slow website access. And so I came home with this beauty.

I'm new to the whole iPhone world, but I'll let you in on my favorite app right now (other than Words with Friends which if we're being honest was my sole reason for wanting this phone in the first place). It's called My Fitness Pal. I know that sounds lame, but it allows you to track every meal, snack, amount of water sipped, as well as every kind of exercise you can imagine. I put in my ideal weight, what I am now, and it gives me a goal caloric intake to shoot for each day. (I also learned that if you have to write everything down, you're more apt to stay healthier and lose weight quicker).

Last night I joined LA Fitness which was a long time coming, I just hadn't taken the plunge. And this morning I went to kickboxing and then did some weights. I plugged in all the machines, weights, and the class that I did, and My Fitness Pal gave me back a few calories for the day! Probably because I started off with -400+ because of my workout. I am trying to get into a habit of working out because if I don't have a routine or people to do it with, I will sit on my couch. ALL DAY.

So here is an example of what a food diary can look like on the app, and the kind of information My Fitness Pal gives you (this is not mine, but I would love for my goal to be 2010, and not 1650). I hope that this (and Fiona) will keep me motivated each week to stay on top of my fitness goals. Wish me luck!

Book Reviews

Over the last few weeks I've read 3 books that have been VERY different, but really good.

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown: The story is great, but not one of Brown's best (especially not after Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code). Similar formula to Dan Brown's other books, yet set in Washington, D.C. which adds a dimension of familiarity. I'd recommend it if you like Brown's style and ability to make symbols and history come alive in unexpected ways.

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese: This book felt like an attempt to be like The Kite Runner, but fell slightly short of that goal. It is about twin boys that were born in Ethiopia of an Indian nun and a British surgeon. The nun died giving birth and the father fled once Sister Mary Joseph Praise died, unable to handle a life without her. The sons grew up in Ethiopia studying to be doctors, and one son fled to the U.S. after some political strife in Addis Ababa. It took about 300 pages to get into the story, but in the end it was well worth the read. Dense, but rich and insightful.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: This was a very fun read. Good for all ages although written for a younger audience. Set in post-Apocalyptic America, 2 teens from each of the 12 remaining districts are chosen to participate in the annual Hunger Games. It is a fight to the death and can only produce one victor. The arena is set up for the "Gamemakers" to produce storms, fires, winds, and other calamities to force those in hiding out in the open. The entire country watches the televised games each day, yet the participants have no connection to the outside world until the Games are over. Well worth the read if you need an easy-to-follow, fun, and thought-provoking book.

I'm always open to book suggestions, so feel free to share any good books that you've read!