Happy Mother's Day to Both of Us

Dear Rowan,

I'm writing you this today because today is perfectly positioned between Mother's Day, your first birthday party, and your actual first birthday. 

My precious girl, I would not be a mother if it weren't for you. Finding out that I would be having a baby was one of the most exciting and terrifying moments of my life. It didn't feel real. Even after ultrasounds and listening to your baby heartbeat at appointment after appointment, reality still hadn't set in. But when I found out that you were going to be a girl, everything seemed to click. Seeing your little body on the screen and watching your heart pound and your fingers curl, and knowing that you would be my daughter was the most overwhelmingly happy I had ever felt. 

That is, until you were born.

The day you were born was chaotic and full of painkillers and nausea. But you came into our world the most sweet and content little baby. Your daddy loved you so well as I recovered from the surgery. The nurses would come in and tell me that I could send you to the nursery for a few hours if I wanted to get some sleep, but you were so fresh and new to me that I wanted to keep looking at you, and reaching over to touch you. We always had to wake you up to eat, so we never heard you cry. I was so consumed with love for you that I took videos of you sleeping. You were 7 lb. 11 oz of pure love. 

Nursing was one of the biggest surprises to me, but I loved knowing that not only was I able to grow everything from organs and fingernails to muscles and bones, but I could also sustain you outside my belly. It was something that set us apart from the world. 

You let us be neurotic about your sleep schedule, and we're so grateful for that. You sleep well, love bedtime, and always have great energy when you're awake. That's probably more a product of your FOMO than anything else, but I'll take it. 

Rowan, you've taught me how to love more unconditionally than ever before. You've taught me how to speak life, fight for the words that are spoken to you and over you, and given me hope in the next generation to come. Your heart is so sweet and pure. You embrace the world with open arms, and you dance at the drop of a hat. When we're in the car you laugh and make faces to yourself and kick your feet. You give loves to your stuffed animals, and grin if you see me looking at you. You eat everything we give you, and sometimes even the things we don't give you (like lip gloss and m&ms). 

You are the most beautiful and vibrant thing in our lives, and we love you so completely and dearly. This year with you has been the most humbling and perfect year yet, and I'm excited to cheers to a lifetime more of memories with you. 

Big love to you,

Mom