I've decided to quit sleeping.

May and June are forever our nuttiest months of the year. Between (7) family birthdays, our anniversary, Mother's Day, AND Father's Day... we practically walk around throwing our money at people. 

But other than lighter-than-usual wallets, we tend to still enjoy ourselves. 

My birthday dinner at Two Urban Licks

Throwback to Cam's bridesmaid's lunch at The Swan House (newly acquired pic)

You know you have amazing friends when you get Blue Bottle Coffee in the mail for your birthday. I told Dave I'd share, but I shouldn't have promised such a thing. It took every ounce of willpower to not shove the beans directly into my mouth upon receipt.

For Patrick's birthday, he wanted to go to a Braves game together. I gave myself a jewel in my crown for every inning I didn't audibly complain. Then I rewarded myself with Batdorf & Bronson coffee from West Egg. I am such a saint.

Patrick received his SECOND promotion in less than 2 months this week. Me? Well, I got acquired. Again. Times they are a changin' folks. Promotion celebration happened at Fritti, an Antico'esque Napoli pizza place in Inman Park. Which is also home to Barcelona Wine Bar, another fave.

So these last four pictures are of killer recipes that I tried this week. Going clock-wise from the top left:

1. The Pioneer Woman's restaurant style salsa - I made it so spicy I was practically sobbing into the bowl. Great flavor, really smooth, really wanted to die hot.

2. Summertime noodles with sweet balsamic dressing from here - OMG this was AMAZING. It is  basically noodles, oranges, spinach, tomatoes, onions, avocado, mint and basil. Then you top with balsamic, olive oil and honey. I had to make Patrick take the bowl away. 

3. Buttered latte - I know this sounds strange, but in reality, all butter is is heavy whipping cream. So Liz taught us to get UNSALTED (this is key) grass fed butter from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Then you blend your coffee with the butter to get a frothy, smooth latte. I still need to add a little sugar, but the consistency is excellent.

4. Guacamole - And if I come clean about this one, I'll admit that it's the same recipe I've been using for 3 months. 1 red onion, 1 tomato, 1 garlic clove, 4 avocados, and a whole lotta lime. And if you go overboard on the lime, the guac keeps 2-3 extra days (which is heaven because this recipe makes a ton). 

And in other news, I feel it impressed upon my heart to give you my 2 favorite .gifs used in the context of my job.

What people think working at a tech startup is like:

What its really like:

#winning

Let's weather the storms together

Throughout my last year of counseling, one of the biggest things I've learned about myself is that I never grew up feeling safe, accepted or nurtured. Not that my physical needs weren't taken care of as a child, but emotionally I didn't ever have the space to relax. A safe space. And for years, I've never been able to put my finger on why. My parents did all that they could for me. I had big families on both sides with huge hearts and homes for resting. I played sports, had friends, and went on vacations. But at the end of the day, I never had a home base. A refuge. A place where I knew I would be loved no matter what.

When faced with the fears, uncertainties, 

and worries of life, children need a 

reference point—a place in their mind 

where they feel loved and safe. 

Rachel Stafford

And Marcy, in all of her infinite wisdom, gently stated that this was because I had never been mommy-ed. Never being mommy-ed meant that I was never welcomed with open arms, fought for, or supported when I wasn't doing well. I always felt like a burden. Not trusted to do the right things, or to feel like my side of the story mattered. I never felt listened to or heard. No one processed thoughts or feelings with me, unless it involved correction. I grew up feeling like I had to fight to create a space for myself.

This lack created in me a need to find my nurturing elsewhere. Always looking for that one female relationship that I could feel safe in. Where I knew that they'd be on my side no matter what. That I was a priority and that I would be taken care of.

It is hard watching girlfriends that are close with their moms, because they share something that I always wanted. They love each other, support each other, tell each other deep and hard things, laugh with each other, run errands and go on vacations together. They pray for each other, send each other cards, and enjoy just hanging out together. There wouldn't be enough books to pen the words and phrases and appreciations that my friends have for their moms, and that their moms have for them. Having been a part of several weddings, it has been amazing to see this firsthand.

I love that my friends have relationships like that. It reminds me that they exist. That there is hope. That even though I don't have that safe emotional space and that person forever on my side, I can still provide that to others. Whether that be my friends, my children, or other adults that might also be missing that part of their hearts. I desperately want to nurture others. And I want to do it right and I want to do it well. And I want to be a safe place for people, and that person that they can depend on through the storms to stick by them.

I don't really know what that looks like. I have some great examples of people to watch, but at the end of the day, they aren't me. I still have to figure out what me looks like in that role. And maybe for now it just means filling in the gaps where I know I would have needed filling. Or giving people the response that I always wanted to receive. This could prove to be a gigantic failure, but I know that the process is important. The efforts matter, no matter how small.

So thank you, sweet friends, for listening and letting me vent and sort out my thoughts in this place. Please know that I'm here to love you and support you no matter what storm you face. I'm on your side, and I will not leave.

Love love.

Summer Jams, Reads, and Eats

If you're like me, summer is not complete without great tunes, books and food. Below is a list of my summer faves (however, the songs will change in 10 minutes because I beat them to death in my car):

Wisteria

Murphy's

Sotto Sotto

Holeman & Finch

Canoe

Local Three

Terra Terroir

Let's all join the parade

Below is us getting to hear Bob Goff, one of the biggest inspirations of our generation. If you don't know him, please let me introduce you. I promise that you will never be the same.

Antico Pizza with my amazing team from work

Baby shower with great friends for sweet Tricia Spicknall

Melanie(Moon Unit, or M.U.)'s wedding in Dallas, Texas

Liz's birthday celebrated at Barcelona Wine Bar, photo booth pictures from Melanie's wedding, a note from Donald Miller (*swoon*), my attempt at a headband, beer lunch 'n learn at work, and Lauren and Brenton's visit

We've officially been married FIVE years, holy crap. We celebrated with a trip to the Iberian Pig in Decatur. Oh, and a trip to Italy. 

My best friend, Lauren lives in Pasadena, CA and came to visit this weekend for my birthday. We've always been long-distance friends, but we're pros at staying in touch. She's one that I'll take with me to the grave.

Birthday dinner for Patrick and I at Leon's in Decatur

Check out Patrick's new Warby Parkers!

The night ended at the Brickstore with Daniel, Liz, Lauren, and Brenton

     I feel like we've been going non-stop for weeks. I know Donald Miller would be proud. And I'm proud, too. It's easy to lay low, watch tv, and read books. And those aren't things I've stopped doing (duh, the Bachelorette starts TONIGHT), but I have tried to say 'yes' more than I feel comfortable doing. I might be tired, but yes, I'd love to meet early for coffee. Yes, I'd love to go to the pool, have a cook-out, try a new restaurant, or pick you up from the airport at 6am. You can only put your love into action so much from your couch. 

So why don't we all join the parade?

And while you're at it, enjoy this awesome picture from my friend, Grace in Mozambique. She knows the way to my heart.

For Cam

In honor of your wedding weekend.

These are a collection of pictures from our time together over the last eight years. I hope you'll enjoy a few of the old ones, but I did my best not to include all the old ones. And for that, I'd like to say you're welcome. 

Cameron, you mean more to me than words can express. I couldn't have asked for a more steadfast, loyal, hilarious and wonderful friend. Getting to celebrate your wedding with you was so special to me. My cheeks hurt from laughing and I know my abs will never recover. And I find myself walking away with a truer understanding of you after our weekend together. 

One of my favorite things that we used to do together was drive your car out to the middle of nowhere in Athens, and listen to this song over and over and over again. We'd look at the stars, vent, say prayers, tell jokes, and consume gallons of Jittery Joe's coffee. Those nights laying on the hood of your car were where we started going deeper together. Questioning everything, encouraging each other, pushing each other and learning how to just love better. Cam, I treasure those moments. 

And I treasure the times you called me from Peru and Costa Rica because you knew things were hard. Or you'd bring me flowers or coffee or candles when I needed to smile. You'd always make time for me no matter what test was coming up or what time you had to get up the next day. You love so well. 

And in hearing everyone talk about you at your wedding, it was obvious that you've had the same effect on every single person there. You've loved so exceptionally throughout your life, and been so generous with your time and money and heart. People's lives have been significantly impacted by you and it was so beautiful to see that firsthand. And I can't wait for Jordan to see how blessed he is to get to spend a lifetime with you. Listening to music, drinking coffee, telling jokes and just doing life. You move through things so gracefully, and I know your best years are just beginning. 

And because I can't share some of our 'other' memories, I'll give you a collection of words and phrases that might mean a little something to you:

Nan. Fuzzy Navels. Muffins. Jittery Joe's. Flowers and stationary for lonely days. Cafe Instanbul. Brain scans. Tammy. Starbucks. Ice packs. Lebanon. Peru. Horse disasters. Lost. 505 - it looks like SOS, but it's not. True-to-form cakes. Georgia/Florida. Laser shows. CHOA. Chick-fil-A. Hookah breaking. Dave Kolb. A Thousand Splendid Suns. Weddings and more weddings. Taqueria. Obi. Pamoja. I know nothing. Will. Want to go on a walk? Intermezzo. Divan. Jody. Athens. baby denny. Club 80 Groundhog Day formal. Cigars. Phi Slam. Ketchup bottles. Ty's tailgates. Brett Davis. Tye dye shirts. Andy/Rob/Jeremy/Jamie/Melanie/Patrick/Christina/Josh.

You're the best ever and I'm so grateful for you!

Love love.