Traveling Thoughts

This morning I'm on my way to California for my sweet friend Lauren's wedding shower. Before I left this morning I asked Patrick when the last time I flew somewhere by myself was, and he told me "Haiti, last April." Haiti was an emotional trip for me in ways that I can't seem to articulate.

And sitting in the airport terminal, listening to the same worship that carried me through that experience, I'm amazed at the emotions arising in my chest. My heart at its core beats for the nations. For missions. For travel. For teams carrying revival into the darkest parts of the earth. And right now my heart is yearning to be sent. To go. To engage with where my strengths shine brightest and my heart is at its fullest.

But right now I don't really have an outlet for that. And I don't know how to find one, nor do I believe myself to have the capacity right now to fully engage with one.

So thus begins my weekend alone with my thoughts. Searching my heart and asking God to call forth it's true desires and dreams. I'll probably be blogging as I can as my iPhone makes it so easy to journal as I go. :)

Thanks for your patience with me while being "in process." We will all reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Recipes

Here are some recipes from my weekend that were absolutely worth sharing:

Buffalo Chicken Pizza

Thai Coconut Curry Soup

Broiled Grapefruit

Buffalo Chicken Pizza:

Dough:

1 cup of water/beer

3 cups of flour

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. dry yeast

1 swirl of olive oil

A dash of basil and garlic (or fresh basil if you have it)

Directions: 

Warm the water or beer in the microwave. Add flour, salt, olive oil, and any other spices/ingredients. Knead until you have a ball of semi-sticky dough. Cover and let sit in a cool dry place for 1 hour.

Pizza Ingredients:

Ranch

Chicken diced

Buffalo Sauce

Bleu Cheese

Mozzarella

Onions (or any other pizza faves)

Directions:

After one hour, roll dough out onto a pan. Bake at 375 for 2-3 minutes. While it is baking, cook diced chicken in buffalo sauce in a pan. In separate pan cook onions with a little bit of butter to brown them. Brush a thin layer of ranch dressing over the crust (I used a fat free version). Then add mozzarella, chicken, onions, blue cheese, and any other ingredients that you like. Then for extra flavor I drizzled buffalo sauce on the top. Bake 10-13 minutes (or less depending on your over) at 375. 

Thai Coconut Curry Soup (adapted from this):

Ingredients:

2 lemons

2 limes

2 cans coconut milk (I used one Lite and one regular)

1 heaping handful of chopped cilantro

1 heaping tablespoon of Thai Chili Paste

2 cups chicken broth

2 chicken breasts

8 ounces of rice noodles

Directions:

1. Chop up the cilantro, lemons, and limes

2. Put a some of the coconut cream from the top of a can into a pan, along with the chicken, Thai curry paste, and cilantro.

3. Saute together for 5 minutes until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

4. Squeeze lemons and limes into the pan and add the peels. Then add chicken broth, the rest of the coconut milk, and a dash of soy sauce (optional). Bring to a boil. Then add your noodles.

5. Let simmer together for 15-20 minutes. Then its ready to eat!

Broiled Grapefruit:

Ingredients:

Cinnamon

Brown Sugar

Butter

1 grapefruit cut in half

Directions:

1. Turn on broiler.

2. Cut grapefruit and segment.

3. Melt butter, then stir in cinnamon and sugar.

4. Put grapefruit halves on a broiler pan. Smear with paste.

5. Put the pan as close to the top of your oven as possible. Cook for 4-6 minutes. 

And voila! A really delicious snack, dessert, side or breakfast item. 

As always, thanks to Pinterest for fulfilling all my recipe needs. 

Finding Me

These days I find myself with such a wide variety of emotions. I can't decide whether I need more friends, need less friends, need to be alone more, need to read more, need to join a Bible study, need to cook and become more domestic, need to spend more time with family, need to travel, need to call distant friends more, need to practice my creative writing, go to different work-out classes, or just spend more time at Forever 21.

Each day I just feel completely different. One day I think that everything is going to be okay. That my job is happy, I work with nice people, I get to work from home occasionally, and I'm learning a ton. But then I have days where I get to dabble in what my dreams really are: looking at pictures from exotic adventures, spending hours reading thick novels, having Mexican and margaritas with my family, looking for decorating projects, or having group iPhone chats with my friends while we watch The Bachelor together. And those are the times where I feel more at home in my skin. Like I'm connected to "me."

But I can't figure out why some days are good and some days are hard. Even after a really great night I feel like crying, and just scroll through the list of all the things where I felt like I said the right thing and got a hurtful response. Or I worked really hard to do something for someone else and it just went unnoticed. Or I spent 3 hours with someone and we barely scratched the surface of what's really going on inside our hearts.

As Ginny and I talk about every day, being an extrovert can be difficult. Because the amount of time and deep interaction you need with people to feel like you really thrive is so hard to get in "adult" friendships. And yeah I have those friends that in 30 minutes we can get down to business and really feel known and accepted and deeply encouraged...but that is so unbelievably rare. And if those aren't the things that feed you too, then I'm probably the only one making an effort. And then leaving the interaction feeling like I poured as much of myself out as I could, yet only feeling more empty.

And that's probably why I like staying up late with friends. Because once the world is asleep, people feel so much more comfortable showing each other who they really are on the inside. You've gotten the small talk out of the way, and you can dive into the greater depths of who people are. Mission trips also allow for deep continual interaction over shared experiences, so that is probably why those are so intricately linked to my heart as well.

So this past week, I decided to call a counselor. Someone who is Spirit filled, and can help equip me with some tools and mindsets to feel more "me" but not get burdened by those who don't really want "me." Because it is getting exhausting going between happy and satisfied to crumbling to pieces.

I may or may not report the progress or the things I'm learning, but I'm putting it out there for the sole purpose of asking you to give me grace in this season. And to thank you in advance for your kindness and support. Love you guys.

Friday Faves

Angora Rabbits

Bob Harper

Adoption Coffee

Harry Potter

Libby Gray

Holding hands with Lucy

Malbec

Instagram

Pardot

Project Runway All Stars

MAC blush - Dainty

Yorks

Life and Loving on Purpose

It's been a busy week here in the West household. 


Patrick went to Puerto Rico for a work event. I took my car into the shop, not once, not twice, but THREE times. My dad had shoulder surgery this morning. I've been battling a sore throat and possible sinus infection, while trying to hammer out 40+ hours of work in the marketing automation world. We sent off two of our best friends to Nicaragua for a mission trip. Welcomed a new baby into our extended family. And I personally went through 2 boxes of Kleenex in less than a week. Do they give awards for stuff like that?


In other news, I'm finishing up book 4 of the Harry Potter series, using a hand warmer as a heating pad for my swollen lymph nodes, and frantically trying to catch up on Project Runway Allstars (and ihategreenbeans.com). And to be honest, I thought Heidi Klum not being a part of the Project Runway Allstars would be a terrible thing. But it turns out, the newest judges are kind, funny, smart, and communicate really well to the contestants. So I don't end up yelling at Nina Garcia my tv for  liking something one minute and hating it the next. Those poor contestants. Those judges were hard to please. I feel sorry for their (ex)significant others. Obviously, if you don't follow pop culture, then you might have missed that Heidi and Seal are on the fritz. As are Will and Jada.


Last weekend Patrick and I went to a "Loving Your Kids on Purpose" conference with Danny Silk (no we are not pregnant). The conference was amazing and shed so much light on how to help people be free in relationships. (If Jacquelyn were here she'd commiserate with me on why being controlling shouldn't be a bad thing). I thought I'd include a few nuggets of Truth that I took away from this weekend (and yes, they all stung a little bit):


-Where there is no love, there are high rules. Freedom demonstrates character, not rules. You can't be free if you don't have a choice.


-We re-present who God is to our children. We show them how the Father interacts with those who make mistakes.


-The greatest lie you can teach your kids is "I control you" and "You can be controlled." 


-We lose our connection with our children and the ability to influence them when we try to control.


-Freedom puts on the surface what is really there. And that is scary and vulnerable, but that is what love is.


-You can't sow in bad seeds in the name of being a parent. At some point you will reap what you sow.


-Keep your love on. Even when you disagree. Otherwise we have very conditional love and we disconnect easily.




All of these are awesome take-aways that I think would be best understood if they were tattoo-ed on my forehead. They apply to all relationships, and since we are relational beings, it would be foolish to not take some of these to heart in dealing with not just our children, but friends, family and co-workers as well. 

Freshen Up Your Work-out Routine

Everyone, meet Ginny. (She's the one between Susan and I on the left and middle photo strips).

Because I feel like I would do everyone that knows me a disservice by not introducing you to her. Because I love her and little does she realize, but she is a big part of why I am 100 times happier today than I was in October. She is a gem.

Ginny and I work together in the wonderful world of marketing automation. And on Mondays and Wednesdays she is my work-out buddy. And because not every woman wakes up with this insatiable desire to be an Ironman triathlete, they need a friend like Ginny. Who loves to get fresh air, take walks, and shame you into doing more challenging exercises.

My pitiful bi-ceps took a beating when she became my friend. And I can't decide if I love her or hate her for that.

This week we took on some new exercise territory, and I think we've both been limping around and secretly crying at our desks because of how sore we are. So I thought it would be fair to give all 3 of you that read this some good fodder for your next workout. Just on the off chance that you want to feel like your abs have been gouged out with an ice pick.

EXERCISES

1. Planks on a Bosu ball. We did three different sets of bringing our knees straight up, out to the side, and then across our chest. They are pretty tough because the bosu ball means you're having to keep your core super tight in order to steady yourself and lift a foot off the ground. At the end I attempted to do a few push-ups but I only ended up going about halfway down for a solid 3 because my whole body was shaking. 

 2. Lateral burpees. And yes they are just as terrible as they look. Do as many as you can stand. Then stop and let your breathing get back to normal before doing another set.

3. Take a medicine ball or kettle bell and swing it slowly around your head. Keep your abs engaged the whole time and your feet firmly planted. Do 3 sets of ten in each direction.

 4. Single-Arm Hang Snatch. This exercise is tough. I feel it today in my arms, shoulders, glutes, and inner thighs. It has been a long time since my thighs hurt this much. I used a little heavier weight than I'd use for bicep curl, but not the heaviest I could stand. A 7-8 pound weight was perfect for me, and allowed me to do 3 sets of 10 or 15 on each side. 

Good luck with your next work-out! Feel free to shoot me any great exercises that you've found as I'm always look to improve my work-outs.

Colorado Highlights

Last week Patrick and I went to Vail, CO with my dad, Jill, Libby Gray, Walter, and Tom. It's a family tradition that has blessed me in countless ways and I feel incredibly blessed to get to go each year. And yes, I used the word "blessed" twice. Sorry Patrick. His word choice lessons have obviously failed me.

I wanted to give you a few iPhone snapshots I took while I was gone, because you've obviously been DYING to see what mountains and snow look like. Things that are completely foreign to Atlanta these days, unfortunately. Just envision what 4 degrees feels like while you read this...

The two highlights (that are not photographed below) were me riding a chairlift with some random folks that thought I was their friend Rachel, whom I have now deemed as my alter-ego. I got offered weed, and also included in conversations about what 10 hits of acid makes you do. Apparently Rachel has an acid problem. Or did have an acid problem. My dad was at the hospital getting an MRI (highlight #2) for his dislocated shoulder and torn rotator cuff, and was checking out next to a girl named Rachel who had a blown out knee. And when asked if there was anyone that could pick her up, she responded with "no one reliable." To which we obviously drew the conclusion that it had to be the same "Rachel." My poor dad has to have surgery in the next week to repair his shoulder, but should be fully recovered before next ski season. Not that his injury prevented him from skiing and enjoying this ski season. 3 cheers for dedicated skiers.

We look like ax murderers.

TERRIBLE quality but it's the only family shot I have, so I had to include it.

The ground in most of Vail is heated, so you can see which part is heated here and which part isn't.

Mine and Patrick's room after 2 days. This is only my stuff. Yikes.

There are several other pics that I didn't have on Facebook, but unfortunately my phone is currently rebelling against me and refusing to release them. So I'll be back to add a few more later. 

Happy sunshine everyone! I'm off to uncovering the mystery of APIs. 

A mess at best.

The last few months have left me feeling very alone. And not the endearing kind of alone where you get a lot done and feel refreshed and rejuvenated and rested, ready to take on the world.

No, I've felt the real kind of alone. The ugly kind.

The way you'd feel if you moved to another state and no one called you, sent you letters, messaged you on Facebook, re-tweeted you, gave you a hug, said something nice to you, or even recognized your existence.

Yeah, I felt that kind of alone. isolated. empty. sad. depressed. unhinged. angry. fearful. All those sweet characteristics that make people come flocking towards you.

And it has been really hard. Because the more I have felt these things, the more I needed people. But people who are colorful, vibrant, confident, and steadfast don't want to be around lonely, sulking, sad people like me. And I felt like the more I reached out, the more distant people became.

So I just. stopped. trying. Like, really stopped trying. Stopped texting, calling, messaging, etc. Because I just couldn't do it anymore. I was too empty to reach out again.

Until one day I had a conversation with a friend, and found out she'd been feeling the exact same way. But if she's hurting, and I'm hurting, we both end up in our own dark corners cowering away from the world. Both of us alone. But so desperately in need of a friend. So with one conversation about her feelings of loneliness, a flicker of light came on in my brain. The thought had never occurred to me that other people might be hurting too. That there might be someone who needs me to come sit in their dark corner with them and give them a hand to hold. Maybe they can't get to me for the same reason I can't get to them.

So thus began the journey of getting out of my pit, so I could go find someone else stuck in their own pit and pull them out. Or at least tell them they'll be okay. And that everyone loves them. And that they can take their time. And that we'll be here when they're ready. And that no one really has it together. And that real love is messy, and it's okay.

I like to think of the anology of the redwoods. Redwoods are huge, but they have shallow roots, but roots that stretch out wide underneath the ground and interlock with the other redwoods' roots. So it's in the inter-locking that give the redwood trees their height. Not deep solitary thick roots like you'd imagine.

So my focus has now shifted. To interlocked roots. To authentic relationships that aren't afraid to get messy, because love can be both beautiful and brutal. It's tough as nails. It's honest. It's real. I want to make more time for people than I think I can manage, just in case things do get messy. Because sometimes it takes people time to open up and truly share what's going on inside them. And you can never plan for it. Vulnerability is rarely conjured up in one 47 minute sitting. And sometimes I have to be the first one to get gut-level honest, and that's okay.

I want to invest in the things that other people love. Even if it's not my thing. Them loving it should be enough for me to join them in it. I want to remind people why they're loved. Why they're different and valuable. I want to ask more questions and be a better listener. I want to be sacrificial and understanding, full of grace and empowerment.

Thanks Jessica for showing me that some of the best lovers of people sometimes look like the worst time managers. Because time restraints only hinder true love from happening. And Jessica, you never let time get in the way of your emotional availability. And I love that about you.

YAMMO Party

About two weeks ago, the company I work for hit a big milestone. It's one we've been working towards for awhile, and there was all kinds of chatter as to what would happen when we actually got there. When it came, the day involved a champagne celebration at the office, with the promise of a smashing party to come.

And smashing it was.

We rented out Tongue and Groove, a swanky club/bar in Atlanta. The place was really beautiful. We had a DJ, killer food stations, alcohol flowing like milk and honey, and a few other little amenities pictured below. I'm fortunate enough to get to work with lots of folks close to my age, so we all have a great time together. And everyone is hilarious so that just adds volumes of value to these kickin' work parties.

The fire dancer and aerialist. And yes this happened. At a work party. And it was better than it looks.

 Ryan and Vincent killin' it on the raised platform where the fire dancer was dancing.

This is Ginny and I enjoying the music, food and drinks. Open bars are a wonderful thing. But not quite as wonderful as working with great friends.

This is Adam, our COO, handing out "Pundees" (like "The Office's" "dundees") to every employee.

Here are some great photos from the free photo booth available all night.

My award. "The Pardotter Globetrotter." And the trophy that everyone got was a symbol of the culture blog that me and a fellow co-worker started called "The Pardot Wave." 

And aside from our take-home trophies, we also got hoodies to sport because today is "National Hoodie Day."So if you're looking for a job with sweet parties, people that like to have fun, drink,  dance, trophies, flame throwers, and photo booths...then you should apply to work with me. Because it's awesome. And you'd be crazy not to love it.

And if that didn't sell you, the free catered breakfast each day might also pique your interest.

2012, I'm ready.

2011 was a fun, gut-wrenching, soul inspiring, "no laziness allowed" kind of year. There were parts that I absolutely hated and parts that inspired me to dream bigger and love better. Here are some highlights of this past year:

Went skiing in Colorado and we had our first accident in 20 years. Patrick got a ski pole to the eye and had to get his eyelid stitched in the Vail ER. Luckily it was close to the end of the trip? And his eye socket wasn't broken? 

In March we went to the Middle East with a team from Bethel Atlanta. This is some of us in the town of Biblos (where we get the name "Bible"). Amazing experience where I learned a lot about "practicing God's presence." They were in a 7-day storm when we were there, and it also snowed. We had to borrow winter clothes from some of our buds over there because who would have expected snow when you are on the Mediterranean Ocean?

In April I went to Haiti with The 410 Bridge. We worked in a town called Chadirac, and had the opportunity to work on one of the Land of a Thousand Hills Haitian coffee plantations. This was one of the harder trips I've ever been on, and still I am unsure as to why. I came home and practically collapsed and cried for hours. I don't know why I cried or why it was hard. it. just. was. And I don't know if my heart will ever be ready to go back.

In May I turned 26 and celebrated with some of my best friends at La Parrilla. Patrick was out of town for work, which I had a TERRIBLE attitude about, but I'm thankful for great friends that made it so special. Who doesn't love margaritas, chips and salsa, sombreros and a group of your best buds?

In June we bought our first house in Marietta, GA, so back to our old stomping ground! We're in a different part of town than where we grew up, but it's still Marietta. Excited to raise our family here in our beautiful neighborhood surrounded by so many great parks and restaurants. And internationals.

Sometime during the summer I got an iPhone and it's probably one of the best things EVER. I have not regretted this purchase for one second. Instagram, Diptic, and Lightbox are my favorite apps thus far. And Words with Friends. And Shazam. And Scoutmob. And Red Laser. And Facebook.

In July we got this sweet little baby, Lucy. She's 60 pounds, so "little" is not quite accurate. She and Bailey the cat are not quite buds yet, but we're declaring that 2012 will be a year of reconciliation between our animals. And maybe a year of weight loss for Bailey.

At the end of July/beginning of August we went to Charleston to the beach with my dad's side of the family. It's our annual tradition and one of my favorite things to do. 

 In September Patrick and I went to Southern California. He had a work meeting, so we made it a long weekend. We went to our first Azerbaijan restaurant in San Diego, and it is probably our favorite meal to date. Now if only The Weather Channel would re-locate us to California...

In October I started a new job with Pardot, a marketing automation company (if you are unsure what marketing automation is, I'm still probably not the one to ask). The learning curve is pretty steep, but I really enjoy the people I work with and all the perks the job offers. Who wouldn't love unlimited vacay?

We had our Korean neighbors over in October for dinner, and surprised them with a lesson in pumpkin carving. They're only here for 2 years, so we're trying to help them maximize their time in America! We tutor the 8th grader, HaRim, who is standing next to his dad. He's a gem. And these were the jack-o-lanterns that we put candles in and set up on their porch. All original designs.

In October I had my first Happy Hour at work. And yes, we also have a beer fridge. Secular jobs are not all that bad! 

We had lots of family pass through Atlanta, which meant lots of meals at Fellini's with my dad, Jill, and Libby Gray. This is my cousin Baird on the left, in town from Charleston. Lucky for him he also got to visit Sweetwater Brewery.

I read The Hunger Games series, and started the Harry Potter series. Yes, I realize I'm a little late on the Harry Potter train, but at least I made it.

 This might not interest anyone but me, but in November WE GOT A DINING ROOM TABLE! It's beautiful. And one of our best purchases to date. We also were blessed and got to have our families over to OUR house for Thanksgiving, so it was the perfect reason to break in this baby.

I got re-tweeted by the Bert Show TWICE. Probably the highlight of my year. Naturally.

At the beginning of December we took a trip to Asheville and Charlotte to visit friends and family. This was taken at my aunt Marilee's art show. I love getting to catch up with family. 

We went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra at Phillips Arena and had KILLER seats. 

Sometime in early December I had a "come to Jesus" with Abby about my attitude. It took a few hours, some lunges, Starbucks, and 2 hours of track-walking. But I hope I'm better for it. Someone who loves me can tell me if it worked.

This is Libby Gray at her Christmas pageant. She's not even my child but I had to fight back tears when I watched her walk on stage. She knew all the songs and motions, and was obviously the star of the show. Isn't she so beautiful? She's actually spending the night with us tonight, and we've been planning activities ALL week for her.

 Our Pardot Christmas party was held at the Aquarium. This is me with two of the greatest girls I know, Susan and Ginny. 

So all in all, things turned out more positive than negative. There were some really tough moments, none of which are really mentioned here. But trust me, they were ever present. And I'm still not over or through any of them unfortunately. And I sometimes wish that I could be gut-level honest with myself and my life in a space like this, but I would hurt 2938472358203481 people's feelings and probably have no friends by the end of the post. And since I'm an extrovert, no friends would be terrible. So maybe one day I'll come clean with what this year has been like, and pray that no one gets mad at me. Which is probably impossible but maybe we'll make it there eventually.

Cheers to 2012 - I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU. Come quickly and do not delay. And bring with you great community, cocktails, a fire pit, 24/7 worship, and some new books. But let me keep my pets of 2011. Thanks.