Too busy for me.

So, I've decided that I'm too busy. I want to read more. and be more crafty. Take more walks/jogs (let's be honest I hate running, so jogging might be a stretch). Do yoga and pilates. Cook more meals from scratch. Watch more movies. Spend more time getting coffee with friends. Journal and memorize Scripture. Send more letters. And invest more in my outreach team. There is a lot that I want to do every week, and for some reason I never get to any of these things.

I have a tendency to go where people are because I don't want to miss anything thats happening. I keep up with friend's blogs and facebook. I research news articles and websites. I am always filling my mind with lots of things to feel like I'm not missing out, but in the end...I end up missing out on me and my life. There are things in me that need attention.

I try so hard to be a part of everyone else's community that I feel like I've lost my own. I need a retreat. A respite from work and people and tv and computers and cell phones. I need to re-discover my soul. Re-discover what I love and want to dedicate my time to. I don't want my time to be wasted on meaningless things. I want my life to be significant and bent on one vision...bringing the Kingdom to earth. that's all that matters. the Kingdom. And what God's doing and where He's going. I want to be part of that community

Nourishment

In 2010, I will learn to feed myself. To encounter God on my own. To pursue Him without prompting. To strengthen myself. To develop intimacy in ways I never have before. To walk around offenses and give grace to others. To steward my gifts and invest in others. To count my blessings.

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord." Is. 6:1. Although Uzziah was a great and mighty king, and very influential in Isaiah's life, he wasn't going to be around forever. Having seen one of his strongest mentors die, Isaiah was prompted to seek and find the Lord on his own. And he did. This is my season of learning to find God on my own. To feast on Him daily. To count my blessings and experience His love. To sacrifice so that others might know Him and His love through me. To be willing to go when He says go.

But...

I am terrified. Will I find Him? Will I gain new revelations of love and learn how to go deeper and deeper into His presence? Will I have the grace to pour out? Will I have the patience to sit at His feet?

All I know as of now is this...

God is good and I am blessed. And fully loved.

perspective

"Remember wherever you go and whatever culture you find yourselves in, always be a LEARNER of the people and what God has to teach you. I feel like I am constantly re-learning how to humble myself in this way."

- Suzanne and Joey Johnson (my Kenya team leaders)

Chinese Christians

A brief attempt to expose the unbelievable faith of Chinese believers:

"They are not only ready to die for the gospel, but they are expecting it."

"Many Western missionary organizations pull their workers out of a place as soon as there is any sign of trouble. Advance will be very slow with such a mentality! If self-preservation is that important, then there is no point in going in the first place. God is looking for children who will die for Him if necessary."

Chinese believers PRACTICE getting out of handcuffs and breaking out of prison buildings.

"Don't pray for the persecution to stop! We shouldn't pray for a lighter load to carry, but a stronger back to endure!"

The Chinese church refuses to build any church building that could divide believers.

Some Chinese believers rejoice when they are sent to prison because there are hundreds more men that get to hear the gospel.

Some Chinese believers do baptisms in the middle of night in the winter, by cutting a hole in the ice of a frozen lake. This is the only time that authorities are not prowling around looking for "suspicious" activity. Some report that the water is never cold, and it almost feels like bath water.

-thoughts and quotes from "Back to Jerusalem" compiled by Paul Hattaway (highlighting the lives of 3 Chinese church leaders- Brother Yun, Peter Xu Yongze, and Enoch Wang)

2010 Declarations

Life and death is in the power of the tongue. And our ability to declare things and speak them into existence is extremely powerful and weighty when you consider that we have the ability to release life or death in the earth.

Here are some of my declarations about what 2010 will bring.

-This will be a year of rediscovering joy.

-In 2010, I will KNOW peace. Deep and abiding peace.

-I will experience greater depths of God's love this year, love that I never thought possible will be made known to me.

-I will walk gracefully around offenses, and honor every single person I meet, regardless of their attitude or response to me.

-This will be a year of abundant giving.

-We will walk in divine health.

-We will continually live out of God's presence.

God loves to make Himself known in the lives of His children, and I anxiously await all the good things in store for 2010.

Leaders

I think one of the marks of a great leader is the ability to recieve feedback, and implement new ideas. It's not easy, but it is essential to the growth of an organization.

This week's dreams

I've been dreaming recently about people I went to high school with.

In one dream a girl asked me to hang out and I was busy and couldn't do it, but we made plans for the following day. But it was weird because it was a girl that I don't have a stellar relationship with. In fact, we might be on each others "people we least like" list. So that was random.

In the dream the next night, I dreamed of a friend from high school and it was her wedding day. Oddly enough, she was engaged, and broke off the engagement this week. So that was weird because I saw her hair and her dress and where her wedding was being held and who her bridesmaids were. I saw their dresses and hair and the flowers. It was a beautiful day, lots of trees and greenery around.

The next night I dreamed about another girl that I didn't have a great relationship with in high school. We had a falling out freshman or sophomore year and for some reason, we were hanging out and really close in my dream. I knew her at UGA but we never really talked. I'm sure we're both past the things that happened, but we're different enough to not feel the need to reconnect. I wouldn't be opposed to reconnecting, but she lives in another country so those chances are very slim.

Last night I had two dreams. The first one I hung out with probably my best friend from middle school and most of high school. After high school we went completely different directions and I haven't talked to her in several years. We were at a conference and sharing each other's clothes each day. I drove her home in her car on the last day (her dad was in the back seat with her), and for some reason, the ground was VERY rigid and hilly. We drove on the grass instead of the pavement because the pavement was too broken and fallen in. I went with her to her house, and after being there for a few minutes, I felt really awkward and called my mom to come pick me up. I told my friend I had a lot to do to get ready for work and wished I could stay longer.

The second dream last night, I dreamed that Warren Kritko from Bethel got up and announced a ministry trip for second year. It would be to Turkey with YWAM and we only needed to pay for our plane ticket ($1069). We would leave at the end of January and do a lot of under-cover ministry since Turkey is mostly Muslim. On the screen where all the information was listed, Guam was also mentioned but I don't know how that ties in.

So here are my dreams from the week thus far! I've been terrible at writing them out, but I think its important to make an effort when I remember. Who knows when/if they'll happen?

The Next Great Awakening

This is a song by Jake Hamilton that is rocking me right now. He used to be a part of IHOP and he's recently been singing with Jesus Culture. His heart is amazing, and I love his song "The Next Great Awakening."

I see you in the valley
Transferring death for life
I see an army coming
They all bear your light

I am not bound to reason
I live in violent love
This world can not define me
My heart is set above

For me to live it Christ
For me to die is gain
I am not shrinking back
I'll never be the same

Four walls can not contain me
I know I've been possessed
I know that God is love
And there is no failing love
So I am fearless

Come, love is overtaking me now.

This is the sound
of a revolution.

This is the sound
of a prophet's cry.

This is the sound
of a reformation.

This is the sound
of a warrior bride.

This is the sound
of a giants falling.

This is the sound
that you can't ignore.

This is the sound
of a rebel rising.

This is the sound
of an open door.


God, release the sound
Release the movement
I am laying down everything

God, you promised nations
I want the nations
I'm not gonna settle, now
I, I hear the cry
I hear the longing
This is the sound of freedom

I stand in the gap
I stand here praying
For the next
Great Awakening

Revivals not an epic or a mission

Revivals not a program
or a play

Revival is not a slogan
Revival is a man
His name is Jesus

The Next Great Awakening

-Jake Hamilton

Campfires, Dreams and Acoustic Worship

Tonight was an awesome night at ministry school. We spent time soaking with Judy Franklin (Bill Johnson's assistant) and telling God our dreams and hearing what He said about them. Then we went around the room and declared them out loud. It was amazing to hear what was on everyone's heart to do with their lives, and how they wanted to impact the world. Our classes capacity to dream has greatly expanded over the last year, so I was so inspired to hear what big things people were going after.

Then Lacey spoke on her relationship with the Holy Spirit. Whenever she speaks I feel like love comes in and just settles around me. Her words come out of an intimate place with God and I am so blessed to get to hear from the deepest recesses of her heart. She embodies love, strength, compassion, and wisdom. Being in her presence is truly life-changing.

Then we went out by the lake where some of the guys had started a campfire. We had s'mores and acoustic worship. Our class is starting to feel more and more like a family and I love every minute of it. Acoustic worship by a bonfire is one of my favorite things in the whole world. Being beside a lake and also getting s'mores was like icing on the cake. Worship was beautiful and unhindered, full of life and intimacy.

I loved tonight and can't wait for more nights like this with my sweet friends.

Red Moon Rising

I'm still hoping to transcribe some of my notes and thoughts on the book of Revelation...but I keep putting other good blog thoughts aside in hopes of tackling Revelation first. However...this hasn't happened, so I'm going to move on for the time being.

I'm reading a book right now called "Red Moon Rising" by Pete Greig and Dave Roberts. It's the story of how 24/7 prayer started, and how it is starting to awaken this generation. For centuries, there have been pockets of 24/7 prayer houses that lasted anywhere from 1 month to 100 years. Starting in the 1990s, 24/7 prayer houses started sprouting up all over Europe, Africa, in underground churches in parts of Asia, Australia, South America and the United States. This prayer movement is no longer contained in small segments of time in isolated locations...it has become global, and it is continuous. Full of momentous strength.

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch... I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night... Isaiah 62

Pete Greig, one of the original fire-starters of this monumental move of God, wrote a poem late one night in one of the prayer rooms in England, and I wanted to share a few lines with you.

"The Vision"

The vision? The vision is JESUS- obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army.

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago... It is dangerously pure...

And this is the sound of the underground, the whisper of history in the making

Foundations shaking, Revolutionaries dreaming once again...

Those are only a few lines of a three-page poem, but it is raw and it is authentic. It breathes out radical love and devotion. Unity among believers that want to see the Kingdom manifested on this earth. This book is riddled with countless stories of these lovers willing to lay down everything in order to move with the Spirit and keep their view of God 'out of the box.' To smuggle Bibles into "closed" countries, and to develop prayer houses in the darkest of cities in the Middle East and underground China. To worship publicly and to go after healing for the sick. It is so challenging to my faith to spend hours in intimate communion with the Father of Lights. Feeling every breath and shift in my innermost being. And then to carry that love and communion out to the streets. To the hurting and the broken, the naked and the lost.

One day in my home, I can't wait to have "prayer room." With sketches, and declarations and mandates written everywhere. Prophetic art, poems, people's names, and Scriptures filling the walls. Maps and Bibles and worship music, testimonies of encounters with God and miracles and healings. A room full of God's presence. I want that room to be an expression of what is going on inside my heart, but then my life to be an overflow of what happens in that room. I want to be marked with incredible intimacy and radical love. I want to be a "watchman on the wall" and I refuse to be silent day or day.