Baby West: Our Greatest Expectation

Babies. Who would have thought that the journey to parenthood would be fraught with so many emotions? Well, I didn't. And I wish I was one of those women that handled the whole process gracefully and with full faith, but I didn't. I threw tantrums. A lot of them.

To be honest, it has been a long and arduous process. We live in such an immediate gratification culture, it was hard to have to really fight for something. To pray for it, believe for it, ask for encouragement and support, and then ask again when almost two years later it still hasn't happened. And I can't articulate how grateful I am for those that have really stuck with us through the journey. I feel like this is just as much their baby as it is ours, because they prayed when we were tired of praying. And they brought us encouragement when the road seemed to only get darker. And its because of their love that we have made it to this place. It is true what they say: The darker the night, the brighter the day.

So all that to say, here are some glimpses of our last few weeks of incredible joy and elation:

*     *     *     *     *

We found out we were pregnant the day I got back from Kenya (September 14), which meant that we got pregnant in August. The day we told our small group at church, my sweet friend Abbey showed me this entry in her journal from early August. Our birthdays are May 26 and June 1, and the baby is due May 16.

When HaRim left America, he gave us this letter to give to our future baby. We waited until we were pregnant to open it, and we laughed and cried when we read it. HaRim is just such a blessing to our family, and knowing that he believed for and loved our baby for so long makes our connection to him so much stronger.

Our jellybean-sized baby at our first ultrasound.

We told our offices after our 12-week appointment, which happened to be Halloween. My office has a costume contest and parade each year so I stood in line to announce my 'costume.' When it was my turn, I held up my makeshift pregnancy test and said "I am a positive pregnancy test!" And there were crickets. Awkward, silent crickets. So Susan said 'Explain more!', so I held the sign up higher and said "Which means...I'm PREGNANT!" And the office just erupted in cheers and clapping. I had prayed that it would be received well at work, and everyone's response GREATLY exceeded my expectations.

The cards and text messages and voicemails and phone calls we have received has been unbelievable. Never have I felt so deeply loved and celebrated in my whole life.

And now for some of the pregnancy reveal shots we had taken by our amazingly talented friend Daniel:

So a BIG thank you goes out to every single person that has loved us, encouraged us, prayed for us, given us advice, or just made themselves available to listen over the last two years. We are grateful for YOU and couldn't have gotten to this place without you. We love you so flippin' much, you have no idea.

Unlocking Doors

"Don't reduce your life to accommodate your fears."

This is one of the most true statements I've heard in a long time. How often do we decide not to do something new or hard, just because we're afraid? I'm the most guilty out of any. But I don't want to be. I want to be bold, and face my fears head on. And I want you to do the same. 

Because what if every time we ignored a fear, it got smaller? And what if that created a cycle where we stopped noticing them or asking them what they think? How much more full and abundant would our lives be? 

So let us all stop being afraid. And do hard things because those are actually what we want. Not because fear says no, but because our heart declares a resounding a joyful yes. 

And that yes will unlock hundreds of doors that fear never would.

Hostages and Color

Since I've been back from Kenya, I've had tons of people ask me how I feel about the hostage situation that happened in Nairobi in the days after I left. Where people were being shot or taken hostage in a popular city mall by a group of Somalis. Was I near a mall? Did I go to Nairobi? Was I nervous that I could have been affected by a similar situation? Will I ever go back? Is Kenya dangerous? Would I recommend it as a place to travel? 

The answers are all yes.

And yes, those stories are very real, and yes, they happen all over the world. And unfortunately those are the stories that people hear that keep them from going to places that need them. In my opinion, and please take this with a grain of salt, if you're worried about these types of things happening, then you'll never go anywhere. Because they happen all the time, in every city, and there is always a possibility that you'll be too close. Always.

But that's why you travel smart. Stick with locals, register your trip with the State Department, keep up with the news, and have emergency plans in place. To me, its always worth these small inconveniences to have amazingly life-changing experiences. And there are countless blogs and books and resources that you can access to help you be as knowledgeable as possible before a trip. You never know how small your world is until you get outside of it and see the lives of others. Don't miss out on seeing it because you're afraid. 

*     *     *     *     *

Okay, enough serious. Last weekend Patrick and I ran the Color Run. And yes, "The happiest 5k on the planet" is one of the truest taglines I've ever heard. And I hate running. And think I should be richly rewarded for every minute I spend doing it. But in the case of the Color Run, I did feel rewarded. And celebrated. Because who doesn't want to be covered in hot pink, blue, yellow and orange every quarter mile, and have a dj blaring rap music throughout the whole course? It was my dream run. But seriously, you guys HAVE to do this run. Its amazing.

And while we're on a high note, I figured I'd go on and confess that this run was my ONE form of exercise since returning from Kenya. I do walk the dog on occasion, but that can't possibly count. But I am just so tired. And busy. And its soooo much easier to watch New Girl than it is to work out. I need some motivation!!

In other news, I will say that I'm reading Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris, and it is HILARIOUS. I'd encourage you to check it out. Also, read the Bitter Veil. Its not everyone's style, but if you even come close to thinking it is your style, then I will go on and just say that it is. And will accept the repercussions of that statement. Great read.

Speaking Life into the Dust

If you want to know the answer

 to the bigger question– what’s God’s plan for the whole world?

Buckle up: it’s us.

Bob Goff

To me, this trip felt different than any other. And to be honest it has been the first time in a year and a half where I actually felt like I had something to give. Counseling has made me feel like even the good and beautiful things about me have been stripped down to the bone.  But somewhere along the way, the walls started getting rebuilt, and layers of skin and muscle started forming. And it was this trip to Kenya that showed me who I have grown up to be. 

I don't feel like I grew up watching healthy, authentic female relationships. I've always longed for examples of those things, because I want to know how to be strong and courageous, yet intimate and kind. And not knowing what that looked like for me has made me feel somewhat aimless. But as the Lord stripped down, and began the process of restoring the ruins of my heart, I would catch glimpses of the 'grown-up' me. The one that isn't afraid to cry, or ask for prayer, or share what is really going on in my heart. I've always feared the judgement over those things, but at the end of the day, I think those are the things that make me stand out. 

The group of women I was with in Kenya helped me see that I already am. I might feel in progress, but I'm not any longer. I know exactly who I am, and I am free to be that. Not who someone else is, but who I am. I've watched for years and years, not realizing that God was stitching and breathing into my lungs and whispering to my heart that I already am. I am complete. And I am fully and abundantly loved, and I am free to give and to love well, and to be strength for someone else.

And that is what I got to do in Kenya. Be strength for other women, empower them, and speak life into the dust. 

And I am so grateful for this great well of experience. 

The City of Dreams

If you know me, then you know I love the city. All cities. I love the energy and excitement and busyness and people-watching. Everything about a city brightens me from the inside, and tells me that anything is possible. Cities are where things happen. Big things, like dreams and revelation and relationship. So when I get the chance to dip my toe into one of these magical places, my excitement goes through the roof. 

Hence this very wondrous trip to New York City, the "City of Dreams."  Where we dined at the Fig & Olive, biked Central Park and the Hudson River, had a shake at Shake Shack, milk and cookies from Momofuku, and saw the city from above at 30 Rock. We strolled through Times Square, watched the loading and unloading in front of Radio City Music Hall, and had amazing wine at Osteria Cotta. This trip was lovely and perfect, and so were the beautiful friends we spent time with there. These trips always remind me to be adventurous. And to do things I wouldn't normally do. Be more open-minded. Be more gracious and understanding. Find value in new things. 

To travel is the experience of ceasing to be 

the person you are trying to be, 

and becoming the person 

you really are. 

Paulo Coelho

Isle of Palms, SC