While on my trip to Idaho, I felt like I started to understand a part of myself. Not only do I love to travel, but I love to get away. I love not having phone/internet access (although I had better service in nowhere Idaho than I do in downtown Atlanta), or being able to watch TV. I loved having a big porch that looked out into the mountains, a lake, big blue sky with no clouds, a fire in the fire pit, and family that constantly tells jokes and plays pranks.
The quietness of Driggs, Idaho seemed to engulf me. It wasn't a loud quiet, but a soft quiet that let me rest. I slept soundly. I wasn't worried about the next day's plans or what we'd have for lunch. I was completely content to grab my jacket and camera and go with whoever was going out, or to read my book on the porch. I could sleep as much or as little as I wanted, because my family wanted me to just be me. Something that is a rarity in most life situations.
My family is made up of some of my favorite people in the entire world. And getting to sit around a fire with them, wrapped in blankets, drinking wine, smoking cigars, laughing hysterically, quoting movies and just connecting with them was more joy than my soul could take. I don't think anyone could be more loved or accepted than in the presence of my family. They love well and do relationships well. I want to be and am an extension of them, and I love that.
I've been reading Donald Miller's book "Through Painted Deserts" and I never thought I'd get into it. The whole story is about Donald and his friend Paul road-tripping from Texas to Oregon. They go through boring towns, meet quirky odd people, sit on the side of the road with a broken down van, do some hiking, and occasionally buy a souvenir. B.O.R.I.N.G. Or so I thought.
But I've gotten to the place in Donald Miller's life where he is starting to embrace the quiet of the open road. He starts to see God differently. He starts to see the things he carries around differently. He starts to value things that are good to value and release the things that are dead weights around his neck. Reading this book while escaping into backwoods Idaho, Wyoming and Montana (albeit those are amazingly beautiful places to escape to), really struck a nerve with me. I started to get to know people better. To ask more questions. To sit around the fire a little longer or have an extra s'more. To stand longer in the cold because I couldn't take my eyes away from the sunset. To sleep an extra hour because my body needed it.
I felt more alive when I got away from the busyness of my life and stopped performing and trying to make everyone like me. Getting around people that just want you to be you is so freeing. I just couldn't get enough. I didn't get on Facebook or check emails because I wanted to be all there. Not leaving one foot at home and one foot in the Tetons. While I was gone, I took deeper breaths and ate bigger meals and took longer walks and hotter showers. It was perfect.
I just got to be me this weekend, and it was so refreshing. God's peace swept over me like a wool blanket and settled into my insecurities and stress, leaving me feeling invigorated and loved beyond belief. The West is truly a spectacular place and partnered with my family, an impression was made on my heart that releases me to just be me and to love people well. The West has truly won.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Head West Young Man
Here are some pictures from our trip out West this past weekend. Sorry there are tons! I tried to take out as many as I could, but I just have too many favorites. :) Enjoy a taste of Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana.
At the base of Grand Targhee in the Tetons
Yes that says "Mary's Nipple" - I also bought a sticker that said "I hiked Mary's Nipple" just on principle
The top of Grand Targhee, the taller peak in the background is Grand Teton
Old Faithful Geyser in Yellowstone
Our House in Driggs, Idaho
The view of the Tetons from our porch
We were in Idaho, which meant we needed potato guns
Another view from our house
My dad and sister Libby Gray
The Spud drive-in- One of America's top 50 roadside attractions
The Lake at Yellowstone
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
This is where I'm at right now:
"I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story."
"If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation. If I got any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed. He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end. If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet. "
"The reward you get from a story is always less than you thought it would be, and the work is harder than you imagined. The point of a story is never about the ending, remember. It’s about your character getting molded in the hard work of the middle."
Over the last few months, I've been in the process of my "story." I live in the "middle." I haven't given up, but I haven't fought very hard to "make each day stand out." I want to live more intentionally. Be more generous and sacrificial. Put more effort into the things that matter to me. Read more books, write more stories, send more letters. "People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen."
I want to do the work. I want to take the risks. To join the parade. To make something of nothing. To turn the TV off and get out my bike. To face the things I'm most afraid of.
I will have a great story.
I will have a great story.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Are you THAT couple?
Because if you are, I might talk about you behind your back. And by might, I mean I do talk about you behind your back.
But let's be honest, you bring it on yourself. So what would make you that couple you might ask? Well, since you asked, and you should have asked, or paid attention to when people get uncomfortable around you...I'll tell you.
Dear sweet, love-obsessed couple,
First things first, your PDA is out of control. Holding hands, a quick kiss on the cheek- great. No big deal. In fact, I'd worry if you weren't a little bit affectionate with your significant other. But rubbing each other's feet, sitting on each other's laps, or making out in public? No thanks. And while its just me and the both of you, I'm looking around and picking at my nails waiting for you to detach from each other so that we can have a decent conversation. Do I talk? Do I remind you that I'm there? Do I sneak away? Do I act like I don't notice? Because we're not getting anywhere with you sucking face. I'd like to leave, please realize that you're making me uncomfortable. So stop it.
And the pet names have got to stop. I know that your mate is the center of your world right now, but remember, there are still 6 billion other people to consider. No one wants to know that you call each other "Pookie" or "Superman"- that information is a little too personal for me to know and should be kept behind closed doors. If only because the general public throws up a little in their mouths when they hear you calling each other such sweet and endearing names.
I realize that you're in love and have a hard time being apart, but face it: there will be days and times where you'll need to be apart, and that is a GOOD THING. No one likes to hang out with someone for 1 hour and 43 minutes because that is all the time they have before their wife or husband gets home, and heaven forbid you lose a minute together. Friends want to feel valued if they're in your life, so make sure you come up for air and go out for pizza and drinks once in awhile. You'll thank me later.
So sweet, wonderful, full of romance couple- it's time to take a time-out. For my sake, and the sake of everyone else in your life. You're still great people with good hearts, and I still love you. But in the future, please be considerate of others.
Sincerely,
Your friend that sees a bright future for our friendship
But let's be honest, you bring it on yourself. So what would make you that couple you might ask? Well, since you asked, and you should have asked, or paid attention to when people get uncomfortable around you...I'll tell you.
Dear sweet, love-obsessed couple,
First things first, your PDA is out of control. Holding hands, a quick kiss on the cheek- great. No big deal. In fact, I'd worry if you weren't a little bit affectionate with your significant other. But rubbing each other's feet, sitting on each other's laps, or making out in public? No thanks. And while its just me and the both of you, I'm looking around and picking at my nails waiting for you to detach from each other so that we can have a decent conversation. Do I talk? Do I remind you that I'm there? Do I sneak away? Do I act like I don't notice? Because we're not getting anywhere with you sucking face. I'd like to leave, please realize that you're making me uncomfortable. So stop it.
And the pet names have got to stop. I know that your mate is the center of your world right now, but remember, there are still 6 billion other people to consider. No one wants to know that you call each other "Pookie" or "Superman"- that information is a little too personal for me to know and should be kept behind closed doors. If only because the general public throws up a little in their mouths when they hear you calling each other such sweet and endearing names.
I realize that you're in love and have a hard time being apart, but face it: there will be days and times where you'll need to be apart, and that is a GOOD THING. No one likes to hang out with someone for 1 hour and 43 minutes because that is all the time they have before their wife or husband gets home, and heaven forbid you lose a minute together. Friends want to feel valued if they're in your life, so make sure you come up for air and go out for pizza and drinks once in awhile. You'll thank me later.
So sweet, wonderful, full of romance couple- it's time to take a time-out. For my sake, and the sake of everyone else in your life. You're still great people with good hearts, and I still love you. But in the future, please be considerate of others.
Sincerely,
Your friend that sees a bright future for our friendship
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friends
I read a really good blog from my friend Daniel today. The whole concept is that of relationships. Vulnerable, raw, authentic relationships. Quite honestly, when God's not talking to me, I think He's trying to have us rely on each other because each of us is part of His body. I've made some great friends over the last few years, and I couldn't be more grateful than I am right now. My friends have walked with me through thick and thin, valleys and mountain tops, weddings and vacations. With each passing year, I find it easier to be myself. To understand the significance of other people in my life. Of accountability. Of empowerment. I appreciate those that I re-connect with easily and often. True friendships are amazing, but can be hard to sustain because they take work and flexibility. I'm learning how to be more intentional, even when it's awkward. But being intentional pays off in good quality relationships, 6 hour conversations over coffee, running errands together, telling each other things that might be hard to hear.
I've spent some great time with close friends lately, and I wanted to include some pictures of some of the people that have had the most impact on my life.
I've spent some great time with close friends lately, and I wanted to include some pictures of some of the people that have had the most impact on my life.
Our sweet friends at our wedding
Pineview Buddies
Church friends at our Christmas party last year
At a church service in Guyana with Bethel
In Napa with great friends from CA who lived in GA the last few years- I am who I am because of Daniel
Groundhog Day Formal
"Mega Oh" with Matt on a bus
This guy taught me more about God's love for me than I've ever thought possible
Christina and Richie- also in Argentina
David and Tyler trying to make their eyes water
Me and Frankie in Japan- in a way I owe her my life.
There you have it. Some of my greatest friends in the whole world. And some of these I talk to all the time and others not near as often as I'd like. But they all make up a part of who I am today.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Ok, I guess I do want to write a book.
But what in the world do I write about?
A book about desserts, working out (well, thinking about it anyways), traveling and my pet cat would not make for a good story. I believe I've had some cool experiences, but how do you know what experiences are worth pulling from? How do you develop your own style or format? Do you focus more on external dialog or mental processing? Making relatable characters is hugely important, but I feel like I mostly relate to females between the ages of 16-24. I like girls that are prissy, that wear make-up, like to shop, listen to pop, paint their toenails and watch reality TV. Ones that are fairly insecure but can act secure around the best of them. Ones that will give up any responsibility for a good conversation. Who would spend a never-ending budget on Starbucks white chocolate mochas and caramel macchiatos. Who like to go on dates and have boyfriends and go to every party. Girls that have yet to really find their place in the world. Girls who've had hard times and come from broken homes, but will do anything to keep that from holding them back. Those are the people I relate to.
But let's be honest, that would make for a pretty superficial and LAME book.
I want to write an epic story, like The Kite Runner, or A Thousand Splendid Suns. Books that appeal to all generations and cut through any racism or cultural norms. That change lives and make people see the world differently.
I don't just want to write about a suburban white family because that is my life and my experience. I know there is more, and I know I'm going to have to utilize unique life circumstances around me to pull from. Here are some people I'd love to pull from:
Nuna in Beirut- Her mom died when she was young, and she was left to raise her brothers and take care of her father. She has 5 kids, is fluent in Arabic, French and English, and is a powerhouse of a woman. She'll go anywhere and do anything. Her husband is the softer one, but she is soft too if you can push thru the exterior. She's hard to read, always gets straight to the point, but will be the first to sacrifice if anyone needs something.
Lydia- Her family is Syrian, she was born in the States, but has lived in Kuwait her whole life...until now. Her brother has been in the States for college and her family wants to move here from Kuwait. Her family is funny, talkative, loud and incredibly hospitable. She's traveled the world and slides seamlessly between cultures and groups of people.
Jonathan and Sarah (who might read this)- He spent time in South America, and she spent time in Egypt. He proposed in Egypt and they got married in Colorado. They spent time in Georgia, moved to Turkey for almost a year, and are now back. She has worked and managed coffee shops all over Atlanta and has most recently been working for Goodwill as a Case Manager.
I'd love to include Omar, Alan, LeAnn, Kylene, Lisa and Dave too if possible. The only thing everyone has in common is living in exotic places. So I have one piece to my plot. Travel.
And maybe the main character will be female.
A book about desserts, working out (well, thinking about it anyways), traveling and my pet cat would not make for a good story. I believe I've had some cool experiences, but how do you know what experiences are worth pulling from? How do you develop your own style or format? Do you focus more on external dialog or mental processing? Making relatable characters is hugely important, but I feel like I mostly relate to females between the ages of 16-24. I like girls that are prissy, that wear make-up, like to shop, listen to pop, paint their toenails and watch reality TV. Ones that are fairly insecure but can act secure around the best of them. Ones that will give up any responsibility for a good conversation. Who would spend a never-ending budget on Starbucks white chocolate mochas and caramel macchiatos. Who like to go on dates and have boyfriends and go to every party. Girls that have yet to really find their place in the world. Girls who've had hard times and come from broken homes, but will do anything to keep that from holding them back. Those are the people I relate to.
But let's be honest, that would make for a pretty superficial and LAME book.
I want to write an epic story, like The Kite Runner, or A Thousand Splendid Suns. Books that appeal to all generations and cut through any racism or cultural norms. That change lives and make people see the world differently.
I don't just want to write about a suburban white family because that is my life and my experience. I know there is more, and I know I'm going to have to utilize unique life circumstances around me to pull from. Here are some people I'd love to pull from:
Nuna in Beirut- Her mom died when she was young, and she was left to raise her brothers and take care of her father. She has 5 kids, is fluent in Arabic, French and English, and is a powerhouse of a woman. She'll go anywhere and do anything. Her husband is the softer one, but she is soft too if you can push thru the exterior. She's hard to read, always gets straight to the point, but will be the first to sacrifice if anyone needs something.
Lydia- Her family is Syrian, she was born in the States, but has lived in Kuwait her whole life...until now. Her brother has been in the States for college and her family wants to move here from Kuwait. Her family is funny, talkative, loud and incredibly hospitable. She's traveled the world and slides seamlessly between cultures and groups of people.
Jonathan and Sarah (who might read this)- He spent time in South America, and she spent time in Egypt. He proposed in Egypt and they got married in Colorado. They spent time in Georgia, moved to Turkey for almost a year, and are now back. She has worked and managed coffee shops all over Atlanta and has most recently been working for Goodwill as a Case Manager.
I'd love to include Omar, Alan, LeAnn, Kylene, Lisa and Dave too if possible. The only thing everyone has in common is living in exotic places. So I have one piece to my plot. Travel.
And maybe the main character will be female.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Artsy
I've been editing a few of my pictures from our California trip, so I wanted to share a few with the blog community. I'm just learning how to use the camera, and how to do different kinds of editing- so be gentle in your critiques.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Candy and Cookies and Ice Cream, Oh my!
So one of my favorite things in life is dessert. Whether that be Double Stuffed Oreos or Dulce de Leche ice cream, I love dessert. Now I understand that most of you would concur with the attachment I feel towards my beloved sugars and cream. But for some reason, not everyone shares the same sentiment.
Enter- one of my biggest pet peeves.
I appreciate healthy people. People that work out, eat fruits and vegetables, take a multivitamin, etc. I try to do all of those things as often as possible. Healthy people are not my pet peeve. Healthy people that insist on telling you how healthy they live, are. I lived with a girl in college who ran a marathon and ate like a champ. She's beautiful and vibrant, and was always up for anything. I appreciated her because she was very healthy and made great decisions, but she didn't insist on talking about those decisions.
My roommates in college and I baked every day. We loved cookies and pies and s'mores and ice cream. It was fun because even the one roommate who ate more organically, would help us bake, eat cookie dough, or scoop out ice cream. She didn't make a big deal out of not eating those things every time we made them. And I appreciated that. I always felt beautiful and confident around her.
I feel like during this season of life, I'm surrounded by neurotically healthy people. People who not only want to eat well and exercise, but people who take 15 supplements, go on fasts, or do cleanses. I have a value system for people who want to be healthy. But I have become less and less confident around these people because they make me feel like a slob. All of a sudden...I have complex that I never had before. I know I'm not going to be a size 0, and I'm okay with that. I enjoy my life. I love the food I eat. I don't mind having a Coke every couple of days or eating one too many cookies. I think that's what makes life fun. But having people that are obsessive about weight and how they look, make me wonder what they're thinking about me. If they're a size 0 and are cutting back on carbs or sugar, what are they thinking about me as I reach for another slice of pizza?
I'm trying to decide if it's me that's insecure, or are they the ones that are insecure?
Enter- one of my biggest pet peeves.
I appreciate healthy people. People that work out, eat fruits and vegetables, take a multivitamin, etc. I try to do all of those things as often as possible. Healthy people are not my pet peeve. Healthy people that insist on telling you how healthy they live, are. I lived with a girl in college who ran a marathon and ate like a champ. She's beautiful and vibrant, and was always up for anything. I appreciated her because she was very healthy and made great decisions, but she didn't insist on talking about those decisions.
My roommates in college and I baked every day. We loved cookies and pies and s'mores and ice cream. It was fun because even the one roommate who ate more organically, would help us bake, eat cookie dough, or scoop out ice cream. She didn't make a big deal out of not eating those things every time we made them. And I appreciated that. I always felt beautiful and confident around her.
I feel like during this season of life, I'm surrounded by neurotically healthy people. People who not only want to eat well and exercise, but people who take 15 supplements, go on fasts, or do cleanses. I have a value system for people who want to be healthy. But I have become less and less confident around these people because they make me feel like a slob. All of a sudden...I have complex that I never had before. I know I'm not going to be a size 0, and I'm okay with that. I enjoy my life. I love the food I eat. I don't mind having a Coke every couple of days or eating one too many cookies. I think that's what makes life fun. But having people that are obsessive about weight and how they look, make me wonder what they're thinking about me. If they're a size 0 and are cutting back on carbs or sugar, what are they thinking about me as I reach for another slice of pizza?
I'm trying to decide if it's me that's insecure, or are they the ones that are insecure?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Calling all GIFT GIVERS...I need you.
There are many things in life that we do as adults not because we want to, but because we have to. It's the responsible choice. No one's doing it for you or making you do it, but you know it has to be done so you suck it up and do it.
I was thinking about this concept today on my way home from getting a brutal cavity filled. No one checked to make sure that I made the dentist appointment. No one called to make sure that I actually went to the dentist appointment (although I did reschedule twice). No one asked me how it went, or offered an easier alternative to 8 shots of Novocain in my lower right jaw. But for some reason, I manned up, made the appointment and went through with the torturous 45 minute procedure.
As I was driving home, I was deciding that there are certain things that adults do just because it's the responsible choice. And for those "responsible" things, I believe I, and all other adults, should get rewarded. A prize of some sort. Maybe a new outfit or a trip, a gourmet dinner or a day off work. Anything but the bill to have said cavity filled would be great. Heck, I'd take a candy bar or Starbucks coffee as a reward for being so responsible (too bad that's the whole reason I have cavities in the first place).
Some things I came up with that I believe I should be rewarded for:
-Going to the dentist Yep, I hate the dentist - maybe if I flossed it wouldn't be so terrible. But it is. Please pass the Skittles.
-Getting a check-up at the doctor I don't mind going if I need help, but I don't want to choose to have blood drawn or my finger pricked...or have some strange woman stick some god-awful instrument inside me to check for signs of cancer. No thanks. And yes, I'd like whipped cream and a cherry on that.
-Getting a cavity filled, having a root canal, or having a tooth pulled When I had my wisdom teeth out, my doc gave me a pint of Haagen Daaz ice cream. Obviously he saw the need to reward my courageous strength in deciding to put myself through that whole wonderful tooth-pulling episode.
-Having a child - Have people not realized that this has a suck factor of 3,000? Yeah you get a kid, but with that comes responsibility, a permanent drain on your finances, and a flabby stomach to remind you of the whole experience. Why yes, a Mediterranean cruise sounds perfect for this time of year.
-Cleaning your room, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, doing laundry, and doing the dishes Nobody actually wants to do this stuff. But if I knew there was a reward waiting for me on the other side, I would work quicker AND do a better job. I'll take the dessert sampler thank you.
-Going to work Yes work provides you with a paycheck, but then you have to turn around and allocate that paycheck to every part of your budget, except where you really want it to go. ie: Anthropologie. This might sound surprising but I don't actually want to pay for electricity, water, my apartment, car maintenance, or my IRA. I'd much rather blow ALL of my money on clothes, jewelry, shoes, and Starbucks.
-Eating healthy and going to the gym Like I've said before, some people like these things...but I'm not one of them. If I eat well for a week and work out at least 30 minutes a day, I'd like a day at the spa...just to remind myself that I'm making good life choices. I'd hate for dessert to be the reward for this because it would then undo my oh-so-valiant effort at being healthy.
-Getting a colonoscopy I know those of you that have had one of these must be thinking "Are you kidding? Greatest experience of my life thus far. Laxatives, gas, wiping, and hospitals are my kinda thing. I'd do it again in a heartbeat- with or without a prize." But for me, this could be the worst out of all the things that adults have to do. A new car would suffice as payment. And yes, I'd like a red Lamborghini Diablo. Just deliver it to my door along with flowers, Starbucks, ice cream, and a new wardrobe. Thanks.
I was thinking about this concept today on my way home from getting a brutal cavity filled. No one checked to make sure that I made the dentist appointment. No one called to make sure that I actually went to the dentist appointment (although I did reschedule twice). No one asked me how it went, or offered an easier alternative to 8 shots of Novocain in my lower right jaw. But for some reason, I manned up, made the appointment and went through with the torturous 45 minute procedure.
As I was driving home, I was deciding that there are certain things that adults do just because it's the responsible choice. And for those "responsible" things, I believe I, and all other adults, should get rewarded. A prize of some sort. Maybe a new outfit or a trip, a gourmet dinner or a day off work. Anything but the bill to have said cavity filled would be great. Heck, I'd take a candy bar or Starbucks coffee as a reward for being so responsible (too bad that's the whole reason I have cavities in the first place).
Some things I came up with that I believe I should be rewarded for:
-Going to the dentist Yep, I hate the dentist - maybe if I flossed it wouldn't be so terrible. But it is. Please pass the Skittles.
-Getting a check-up at the doctor I don't mind going if I need help, but I don't want to choose to have blood drawn or my finger pricked...or have some strange woman stick some god-awful instrument inside me to check for signs of cancer. No thanks. And yes, I'd like whipped cream and a cherry on that.
-Getting a cavity filled, having a root canal, or having a tooth pulled When I had my wisdom teeth out, my doc gave me a pint of Haagen Daaz ice cream. Obviously he saw the need to reward my courageous strength in deciding to put myself through that whole wonderful tooth-pulling episode.
-Having a child - Have people not realized that this has a suck factor of 3,000? Yeah you get a kid, but with that comes responsibility, a permanent drain on your finances, and a flabby stomach to remind you of the whole experience. Why yes, a Mediterranean cruise sounds perfect for this time of year.
-Cleaning your room, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, doing laundry, and doing the dishes Nobody actually wants to do this stuff. But if I knew there was a reward waiting for me on the other side, I would work quicker AND do a better job. I'll take the dessert sampler thank you.
-Going to work Yes work provides you with a paycheck, but then you have to turn around and allocate that paycheck to every part of your budget, except where you really want it to go. ie: Anthropologie. This might sound surprising but I don't actually want to pay for electricity, water, my apartment, car maintenance, or my IRA. I'd much rather blow ALL of my money on clothes, jewelry, shoes, and Starbucks.
-Eating healthy and going to the gym Like I've said before, some people like these things...but I'm not one of them. If I eat well for a week and work out at least 30 minutes a day, I'd like a day at the spa...just to remind myself that I'm making good life choices. I'd hate for dessert to be the reward for this because it would then undo my oh-so-valiant effort at being healthy.
-Getting a colonoscopy I know those of you that have had one of these must be thinking "Are you kidding? Greatest experience of my life thus far. Laxatives, gas, wiping, and hospitals are my kinda thing. I'd do it again in a heartbeat- with or without a prize." But for me, this could be the worst out of all the things that adults have to do. A new car would suffice as payment. And yes, I'd like a red Lamborghini Diablo. Just deliver it to my door along with flowers, Starbucks, ice cream, and a new wardrobe. Thanks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)