Our First Baby Shower

Since I promised most subsequent blog posts would be more positive, this is my first attempt. You're welcome. 

Two weeks ago, my mom and Patrick's mom threw us a beautiful baby shower. We got incredible gifts, and I'm continually reminded of how many amazing friends we have. This babe is one lucky girl! Can't wait to introduce her to everyone. I can already tell you'll love her.

This last picture on the bottom right is of some headbands Jacquelyn sent us. They are as cute as can be, and I definitely recommend you check out this creative gal's shop!

All other photos (except for the obviously iPhoned ones) are courtesy of my talented brother, Walter Hall. Check out his other work here. 

Big love from the Wests!

xoxo

Griping + Rejoicing

This is one of those posts where I wish we were sitting across from each other at a coffee shop, or maybe on one of our couches. In fact, a bar might even be the better choice, as the loud noise would ensure that you wouldn't catch all that I'm saying. Thus reigning in your judgement a hair more than if you could hear me loud and clear. That might make this feel a little less dramatic, and maybe a little bit more endearing. Okay, well, that might be a stretch. 

The good news is that I'm hangin' in there. And by 'hangin' in there' I mean I am compulsively online shopping, switching out yoga for pj pants, and then going back to yoga pants. I have bought more doughnuts and Nutella in the last few weeks than in all of the years of my life combined. Patrick has had several long out-of-town work trips, which has left me to be the sole support for our dog and cat. Read: feeding and pottying in the early mornings and late nights, and offering general emotional stability for them while one of our pack is gone. Sidenote: pregnancy is not a time to be counted on to be emotionally supportive, not even for your pets. Hoping I pull it together in this area for the sake of child #2.

Yesterday I went to TJ Maxx, and found myself scowling at those who walked by. Normally I'd smile, say hello, and maybe even an 'Excuse me.' But I'm too cranky tired, and the other shoppers were moving so slowly that my 'quick' errand was turning into an endless excursion of weaving around retired women and waiting for them to make room for me on the aisle. So much so that I had to sit down on a couch halfway through my trip to rest. Mind you, I was only looking for a lamp. 

In other news, I attempted to paint my toenails last week, which was a mild success. But now the polish is chipping and I can't reach my toes to touch it up. Sorry, mom. (This is a cardinal sin in my family). 

Earlier this week I thought it'd be a good idea to do some arm weights. But then I got out of breath cutting up a cucumber, so there went that idea. Points for good intentions? 

But in all fairness, I have had some incredible support around me for the last 8 months (yes, I'm in the EIGHTH month). My mother-in-law has gone above and beyond and handled a few returns, washed baby clothes and blankets, and helped me organize them in the nursery. Patrick has graciously helped clean the house, or given me time to sit down mid-walk, or sent me to take a nap while we're in the middle of a project. My co-workers are dreamy, and are consistently checking in on me, encouraging me, and cheering me on towards the finish line. I'm in a group text with two friends and they've helped keep me sane and outwardly positive in the last few weeks. (Inward positivity at this point is a lot to ask). 

And I am also getting more excited as the day to meet this precious little one draws closer. I don't know that I've felt truly excited until this week. Maybe because we had a shower and I could start putting her room together. Hanging pictures on the wall, organizing books, folding her clothes, etc. Those little projects have helped me move from 'scared shitless' into genuinely thrilled and anxious to meet her. To see her face, hold her hands, tell her how much we love her and talk about her. Tell her about all the friends that have prayed for her for so long, and that to us she is such a sweet miracle. To show her the place we created for her in our home, to introduce her to Bailey and Lucy and tell her how well they'll help take care of her. 

All these little things have starting compounding in my heart over the last few days, and although I am getting more physically uncomfortable by the minute, I already feel like my heart is starting to 'get it.' And in some ways, there is something beautiful in the fact that women do the growing, laboring, delivery, nursing, etc. I can't forget about her, she's strapped to my stomach. She's with me everywhere and is already such a big part of me. Physically and emotionally and spiritually. Despite my griping, I've been entrusted with this grand task of bringing this child into the world. And that's big. And I'm so blessed to co-labor with heaven on this one. 

So thanks for listening to my complaining and negativity, if you even made it this far. If you did, plus one Thin Mint. I promise to make subsequent posts more positive and engaging. And show you pictures of the nursery, and some of my favorite gifts that have been given to us and Baby West. You guys are awesome, and have made this whole process hilarious and honest, yet joyful and grand. And I love you dearly for that. 

Pregnancy and Life Snapshots

{and all thats in between}

Week 16, 18, and 20

Week 25, 27, and 29

Our first baby shower invitation

Girls, let's be honest. Maternity clothes are incredibly unattractive. I have desperately tried to save my budget for summery post-baby things, and to make my outfits work with what is in my closet. Obviously, this can only go on for so long as you start to realize you're stretching out all your favorite shirts, so I've had to humbly give in a little bit in that department. 

Here is a small glimpse into the types of things I've been wearing day-to-day - hopefully maintaining a little bit of 'me' despite my ever-expanding everything else. 

And now for the {and all thats in between}:

Pregnancy is something that I wanted to wear proudly and happily. I wanted it to feel right and perfect. I wanted to glow. And we had tried for so long that I thought I would be overwhelmingly ecstatic about the whole experience. And I am incredibly happy, and thrilled to be growing our little family. But I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion I would feel once that dream became a reality, or how insecure I would feel with each passing week.

And in all fairness, I think I've had it pretty easy. I've been tired, uncomfortable sleeping, and have become less agile with each day. But those are all normal pregnancy effects, and to be honest, they're all fairly easily managed (despite my uncontrollable anxiety and continual tears). 

But the things I haven't been prepared for: knowing that my life will forever be tied to this precious child. Obviously that is a beautiful and great thing, but so incredibly scary. For the last 28 years, I've gotten to do what I've wanted to do. Chase the dreams that I've had for myself, choose the people I spend my time around, and go where I've wanted to go. And I know that I will still be me on the other side, but I know that I'll be releasing a lot of my freedom and control with this baby. 

I'm also overwhelmed by the fact that I alone can bring this baby into the world. Pregnancy, labor, delivery, and nursing are all things that only I can take on. But I'm being entrusted with a precious heart that grows so close to mine that I can sense her every move. And despite my insecurity (and unwillingness to admit how awkward and scared I feel), God will bring her into this world, perfect and whole. Loved from before she was even conceived. Perfectly planned and appointed for her to join Patrick and I in this world for the rest of our lives. I'm trusting those around me when they say that this exchange of freedom and body image and control are more than worth it once we meet our sweet little one in May. But until then, I'm just dying for a glass of wine.

  {the other pieces of my life}  

{and because you I need to laugh}

Winter Wonderland

The past few weeks have been filled with visiting friends, a trip to Colorado, the gender reveal of our sweet baby, and the terrible 'Snowpocalypse' of Atlanta. All have been grand adventures that left us feeling full and loved on from coast to coast.

And Lucy is particularly excited about her little sister. 

The ONLY nursery planning I've done - decided on prints for the wall. And for some reason this is way more fun and interesting to me than registering for a mound of supplies that I've never heard of. So I'll continue to decorate with the help of Cam and Katie, who have selflessly devoted time on Pinterest on my behalf (while I lament the difficulty of putting on socks and keeping a slim figure). Bless them. 

This was an event hosted by a lovely co-worker on the impact technology was having on her life. She devoted months to being more intentional offline, and put this fabulous event together to showcase her work. 

Baby West on the left, surely being bright-eyed as usual.

THE BEAUTIFUL VAIL, COLORADO

full of lattes, family, friends, snow, hot tubs, and massages

#SNOWPOCALYPSE

Last night, after 5+ hours in the car, one minor accident, LOTS of Facebooking, over-flowing tears, and only increasing traffic and ice, I made the brave decision to go to Susan's house. Susan lives 1/4 of a mile from my office if that is any indication of how far I made it in said 5+ hours. #epicfail Susan was SO gracious to open up her home to me, and she made me a wonderful dinner and let me rant to the moon and back about my afternoon. Poor Susan always catches me after these traumatic vehicular episodes. I owe her...BIG.

To spend the night, both Liz and I ended up at our friend's Jonathan and Abbey's and it was actually really fun. They cooked us a grand breakfast, made lots of coffee, supplied us with anything from socks and toothbrushes to sweatshirts and deodorant. We listened to music, watched the news, caught up on life events, and compared afternoon horror stories. You guys, we have the best friends. Seriously.

And I would say that adult sleepovers don't happen often enough, but I'm pretty sure the last one I had was on Sunday. Sooooo scratch that. ;)

You are powerful

On a daily basis I find myself surrounded by two kinds of people: powerful and powerless. And until I started reading 'Keep Your Love On' by Danny Silk, I had no idea how these two tendencies wove themselves into my daily life. 

powerful: /ˈpou(-ə)rfəl/

Powerful people consciously and deliberately create an environment around them in which they want to live. They don't try to get people to respect them; they create a respectful environment by showing respect. They take responsibility for their choices. They choose who they want to be with, what they are going to pursue, and how they are going to go after it. The only people that can get close to them are those who know how to show respect, be responsible, and love well. 

powerless: /'pou(-ə)rləs/

A powerless person is someone who blames their messes on someone else. The reason their life is the way that it is has nothing to do with them. They need other people to protect them, make them happy, and take responsibility for their lives. At the end of the day, they are a victim to the world around them.

I read the details of each of these types of people, and can clearly point to times in my life where I've been one or the other. Where I've depended on other people for my happiness, or where I've only felt included and significant in a relationship if I was in control. A lot of that powerlessness was rooted in deep unhappiness, but it was unhappiness that I did not want to take responsibility for. I didn't want to face it or figure out why I was unhappy. I just was. And it wasn't my fault. So those around me just needed to understand and find ways to keep me happy. Looking back, I know that me feeling powerless created a strong anxiety-filled and controlling environment around me. Not an environment that people were drawn into and wanted to be a part of. In fact, in my attempts to enlist other's support around me, I was actually creating the opposite effect and pushing people away. 

But as I've gotten healthier over the last year or two, I've started seeing that only we can change our own lives. If we are unhappy, we don't actually have to stay unhappy. We can make changes. We can adjust our surroundings, our hobbies, the books we read, the people we spend time with. You are never stuck. If someone confronts you with something, why not take a step back and really think about it before assuming that they don't know what they're talking about. Me getting healthier stemmed from more than one person bringing things to my attention that hurt my feelings or made me feel inadequate. But those were things that pushed me to want to start trying and to make an effort to do better. Because until we know we are actively doing something about it, we will refuse to take responsibility, and assume that our insecurity and inadequacy is someone else's fault. Which perpetuates the cycle of powerlessness.

Being intentional with ourselves and our confidence actually invites people in. And it invites people in for the right reasons, and for the right type of relationship. Not one that has an element of control or manipulation or fear, but one that is strong because two powerful people who know who they are are coming together to be vulnerable, honest about their feelings, steadfast in their love, and loyal to the other.  Those are the types of relationships that are the most authentic and satisfying, and also life-changing. 

Pardot Love + Christmas #ftw

Days like these lead to...
Nights like this lead to
Love like ours.
You light the spark in my bonfire heart.
People like us—we don’t
Need that much, just some-
One that starts,
Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts

James Blunt - Bonfire Heart